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The killjoys initiated automobile crash standards so rigorous that we can't buy a car that hasn't been dropped from the top of a phone pole with our whole family strapped inside.
P. J. O'Rourke -
More modern poetry is written than read.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats are in favor of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while Republicans are in favor of greater spending, for which the taxpayers will pay.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Modern elites live in bubbles of liberal affluence like Ann Arbor, Brookline, the Upper West Side, Palo Alto, or Chevy Chase. These places used to have impoverished neighborhoods nearby, but the poor people got chased out by young singles living in group homes, hipsters, and urban homesteading gay couples.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in Guangdong province have your job?
P. J. O'Rourke -
All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Politics is the one field you don't age out of.
P. J. O'Rourke -
We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
P. J. O'Rourke
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To blame the existence of al Qaeda on poverty like Egypt's is a slur on the poor.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Woodstock had a tremendous impact on American artistic life.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
P. J. O'Rourke -
People say, 'Oh, politics is so polarized today,' and I'm thinking... '1861, that was polarized.'
P. J. O'Rourke -
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the language as it is if you do.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Sometimes the right response to evil is an appeal to powerful and effective social organization - an appeal to civilization itself.
P. J. O'Rourke -
I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades of frayed patchwork, jury-rigging, and make-do clutter caused by Depression and war.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Many reporters, when they go to work in the nation’s capital, begin thinking of themselves as participants in the political process instead of glorified stenographers.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Infant mortality and life expectancy are reasonable indicators of general well-being in a society.
P. J. O'Rourke -
A careful reading of 50 Simple Things leaves you wondering whether you're going to die from environmental disaster or intellectual annoyance. Failing either, you can worry yourself to death.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others.
P. J. O'Rourke -
If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it's a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also - to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
P. J. O'Rourke