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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I think every high school student who was alert during the early '60s got very embittered by the slow progress and the violence surrounding the Civil Rights Movement.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I've got a 1990 Porsche 911. It's just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Now, do I think the baby boomers tend to be self-absorbed? I do.
P. J. O'Rourke
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[Friedrich] Hayek is not protesting that things like child labor and stuff are good. He's just trying to show that when government undertakes to make everything good for everybody, this is what happens. And he addresses it to socialists of all parties.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Greatest generation came through some stuff that we can't even imagine - the Depression, World War I - and all they wanted after that was a breather and a calm and a quiet life, and they get us.
P. J. O'Rourke
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You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can.
P. J. O'Rourke
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In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
P. J. O'Rourke
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It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent and brought here in leg-irons (funny shoes, yes, but not leg-irons) and Hitler didn't blame them for Germany's loss in WWI. Therefore, you can make any kind of fun of them you want.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Detroit's industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in an 18th-century etching.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Maybe the real secret to America's greatness is that we hate one another.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Californians devised a system of electricity sales that ignored every dimension of the free market.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes - the whole bag of tricks.
P. J. O'Rourke
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You've got to understand, people are motivated by fun. And they should be.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Why do elites hate the poor? It's xenophobia. They don't know any poor people - except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal immigrant cleaning lady from Upper Revolta who don't speak English.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I believe in God. God created the world.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who is now behind the counter when you renew your car registration at the department of motor vehicles.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Politics is the one field you don't age out of.
P. J. O'Rourke
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What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.
P. J. O'Rourke
