P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.
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As murderous industrial magnates go, Alfred Nobel is right up there with Ray Kroc, franchiser of McDonald's.
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It could be that all awful dictators are frustrated artists - Mao with his poetry and Mussolini with his monuments. Stalin was once a journalistic hack, and I can personally testify to how frustrated they are. Pol Pot left a very edgy photo collection behind. And Osama seems quite interested in video.
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I am a student of stupidity. I am a political reporter.
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Rahm Emanuel is, we are almost certain, a vampire.
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I am no stranger to loud noise. I've been to a Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels concert. I once dated a woman with two kids.
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Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.
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I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.
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I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I'm not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs.
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As a nation, Kuwait has been, arguably, free of freedom itself. Claimed in turn by Constantinople, Riyadh, and Baghdad, Kuwait has survived by playing Turks off Persians, Arabs off one another, and the English off everyone.
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There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
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We've come into the world of '1984,' but it turns out to be '1984'-Lite.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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When I left the Lampoon, I went west to try that out, and discovered that I hated it.They were awful people turning out awful product .
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Detroit's industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in an 18th-century etching.
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The problem isn't a Congress that won't cut spending or a president who won't raise taxes. The problem is an American public with a bottomless sense of entitlement to federal money.
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When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he's saving a parking place.