P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.
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The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon.
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Only a few good leaders have paused to reflect seriously on being leaders.
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Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
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Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police duties. It's not what they're trained for, or equipped for.
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Maybe climate change is a threat, and maybe climate change has been tarted up by climatologists trolling for research grant cash. It doesn't matter.
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I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.
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You're not a baby boomer if you don't have a visceral recollection of a Kennedy and a King assassination, a Beatles breakup, a U.S. defeat in Vietnam, and a Watergate.
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If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
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Maybe a vague president and an incompetent and somewhat corrupt administration is what the nation needs.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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There are a number of Americans who shouldn't vote. The number is 57 percent, to judge by the combined total of Clinton and Perot ballots in the 1996 presidential election.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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Positive rights are the right to shelter, the right to education, the right to health care, the right to a living wage. These things are - these are, I would call them, more properly, political rights rather than positive rights. And they are extremely tricky, because now we are dealing with things that are zero sum.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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I think it's always easy to be sympathetic to parts of the government in detail; in their concrete manifestations. Because obviously, we don't have government for no reason.
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The old woman was not only ugly with the ugliness age brings us all but showed signs of formidable ugliness by birth - pickle-jar chin, mainsail ears and a nose like a trigonometry problem. What's more, she had the deep frown and snit wrinkles that come from a lifetime of bad character.
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We did not become libertarians because we are altruists.
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Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
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Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs.
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Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.