P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is just operating on a smaller scale and lacks the advantage of having made enormous soft-money campaign contributions to political candidates.
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There are a number of Americans who shouldn't vote. The number is 57 percent, to judge by the combined total of Clinton and Perot ballots in the 1996 presidential election.
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Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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Positive rights are the right to shelter, the right to education, the right to health care, the right to a living wage. These things are - these are, I would call them, more properly, political rights rather than positive rights. And they are extremely tricky, because now we are dealing with things that are zero sum.
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I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the language as it is if you do.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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You're not a baby boomer if you don't have a visceral recollection of a Kennedy and a King assassination, a Beatles breakup, a U.S. defeat in Vietnam, and a Watergate.
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I am a student of stupidity. I am a political reporter.
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I am no stranger to loud noise. I've been to a Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels concert. I once dated a woman with two kids.
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I think it's always easy to be sympathetic to parts of the government in detail; in their concrete manifestations. Because obviously, we don't have government for no reason.
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it.
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Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
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How did an allegedly free people spawn a vast, rampant cuttlefish of dominion with its tentacles in every orifice of the body politic?
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Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs.
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I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.
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Philosophy was once considered science.
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The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
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Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.
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Corporate corruption has ecological merits. It's helping to preserve that species known as Democrats - thought to be endangered as recently as the year 2000.
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As murderous industrial magnates go, Alfred Nobel is right up there with Ray Kroc, franchiser of McDonald's.