P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.
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Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.
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Corporate corruption has ecological merits. It's helping to preserve that species known as Democrats - thought to be endangered as recently as the year 2000.
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Maybe a vague president and an incompetent and somewhat corrupt administration is what the nation needs.
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The old woman was not only ugly with the ugliness age brings us all but showed signs of formidable ugliness by birth - pickle-jar chin, mainsail ears and a nose like a trigonometry problem. What's more, she had the deep frown and snit wrinkles that come from a lifetime of bad character.
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Maybe climate change is a threat, and maybe climate change has been tarted up by climatologists trolling for research grant cash. It doesn't matter.
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Only a few good leaders have paused to reflect seriously on being leaders.
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The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon.
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Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues.
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You're not a baby boomer if you don't have a visceral recollection of a Kennedy and a King assassination, a Beatles breakup, a U.S. defeat in Vietnam, and a Watergate.
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Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police duties. It's not what they're trained for, or equipped for.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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There are a number of Americans who shouldn't vote. The number is 57 percent, to judge by the combined total of Clinton and Perot ballots in the 1996 presidential election.
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No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
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Taxi drivers all over the world, by the way, are under Newspaper Guild contract to give easy quotes to foreign correspondents.
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Actually, there is no way of making vomiting courteous. You have to do the next best thing, which is to vomit in such a way that the story you tell about it later will be amusing.
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I think it's always easy to be sympathetic to parts of the government in detail; in their concrete manifestations. Because obviously, we don't have government for no reason.
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No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.
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Positive rights are the right to shelter, the right to education, the right to health care, the right to a living wage. These things are - these are, I would call them, more properly, political rights rather than positive rights. And they are extremely tricky, because now we are dealing with things that are zero sum.
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Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.
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We did not become libertarians because we are altruists.