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Politics won't allow for the truth.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
P. J. O'Rourke
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If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it's a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also - to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
P. J. O'Rourke -
The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it.
P. J. O'Rourke -
I'm a rather decisive type.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Harvard has been almost as important to the American Jewish community as the pork-sausage industry.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life.
P. J. O'Rourke
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President Obama has contempt for real money.
P. J. O'Rourke -
You're never going to read 'The Wealth of Nations,' and you shouldn't, really. It's 900 pages.
P. J. O'Rourke -
The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Corporate corruption has ecological merits. It's helping to preserve that species known as Democrats - thought to be endangered as recently as the year 2000.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Why do elites hate the poor? It's xenophobia. They don't know any poor people - except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal immigrant cleaning lady from Upper Revolta who don't speak English.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Maybe the real secret to America's greatness is that we hate one another.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Excessive speed and quantity are, like chattiness and digression, besetting sins of cyber-assisted authorship.
P. J. O'Rourke -
The importance of local governance may not be obvious to an America accustomed to treating city and state downfalls with doses of federal comeuppance. Sometimes there's a reason for that - the Civil War. More often, all reasoning seems absent - No Child Left Behind.
P. J. O'Rourke -
I like to have interesting things to write about. And when one says something is 'interesting,' one almost always means 'bad.'
P. J. O'Rourke -
Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Generally it's not a good idea to wear Banana Republic - type khaki journalist clothes in a war zone. You might look too much like something that's supposed to be shot, such as a journalist.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Our regulatory bodies strive to create honest dealings, fair trades, and a situation in which no one has an advantage over anyone else. But human beings aren't honest. And all trades are made because one person thinks he's getting the better of the other, and the other person thinks the same.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Fascism is very much a mob movement.
P. J. O'Rourke -
We all know the types who listen to Pete Seeger songs; even Pete admits they aren't interesting.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes - the whole bag of tricks.
P. J. O'Rourke -
You've got to understand, people are motivated by fun. And they should be.
P. J. O'Rourke