Artie Lange Quotes
-
Richard Lewis is the master at taking a joke that he's told a million times in a row in the past year, on the road, and making it look like he's pulling it out of thin air.
-
Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.
-
Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.
-
When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.
-
A big part of my living is my stand-up material on the road.
-
If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
-
Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative.
-
But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
-
I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.
-
If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
-
I got cast on 'MADtv' as one of eight permanent cast members chosen from 8,000 comics who'd been screened. For any comic trying to make something of themselves, that was like hitting triple 7s-jackpot.
-
I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is.
-
I'm like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you're with, girlfriends and stuff, are like, 'God I wish I had the person on stage to be with all the time.'
-
I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.
-
I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.
-
The road is a lonely place, and that sounds like a cliche, you know, like what is my life?
-
Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
-
Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.
-
Unlike a lot of comics, I didn't care about getting on 'Saturday Night Live.' That show had such history and was so established that I didn't see the point.
-
The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
-
People are so nice, you know. It's such a credit to Howard Stern - the audience base that he created is such a special thing. It took him a long time to create this family of fans, and I was lucky to be a part of that for a while.
-
The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
-
'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.
-
When you're an adult, when times are good, entire years go by in what feels like the space of one season. But the worst trick time plays on you is just how slowly the worst times in your life take you to live through.