Aziz Ansari Quotes
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If it's possible, I binge. There are other shows, like 'The Americans' and 'Game of Thrones,' I watch and have to wait a week.
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I'm in a situation with this girl that's as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.
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Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.
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Even in my stand-up, there's a lot more positivity and enthusiasm rather than negative, I-hate-everything vibes.
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I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
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The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff.
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Any jokes I make I try to make sure it's on story and helps the characters and makes sense with the movie.
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When you meet someone you really like and connect with, I think that's very special, and not to be taken for granted.
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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
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London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up.
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Come on, man, I got a full beard!
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When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I'm obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing.
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No one's trying to get with jugglers.
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Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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I have found that she is as kind and caring a person as she is hilarious. Simply put, Amy Poehler is my hero.
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She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage.
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So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face.
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I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the "nerd" moniker. But I don't get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a "racist" comedian.
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If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.
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I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.
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I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love.
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If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan." And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.
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Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the same way black dudes treat magicians?