Aziz Ansari Quotes
-
It's much more fun to share and laugh at the bad times and the frustrations. I find you get a much deeper connection with the audience that way.
-
I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.
-
If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.
-
I have found that she is as kind and caring a person as she is hilarious. Simply put, Amy Poehler is my hero.
-
No one's trying to get with jugglers.
-
I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!
-
So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face.
-
My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in America gets to do a comedy show about whatever he wants.
-
Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.
-
Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
-
Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.
-
Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the same way black dudes treat magicians?
-
I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.
-
I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.
-
Yes, I'm married. But my wife understands that a good politician has to be appealing to the ladies. The fact that I haven't even gotten close to cheating on her is a disappointment to us both.
-
If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan." And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.
-
I like going out and I like being single, but a growing part of me would rather just stay home, cook food with someone I really like, and do nothing.
-
What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
-
Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
-
I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
-
Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
-
I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.
-
Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
-
If it's possible, I binge. There are other shows, like 'The Americans' and 'Game of Thrones,' I watch and have to wait a week.