Aziz Ansari Quotes
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I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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I've always tried to maintain that I don't have any advice to give. I'm a curious observer.
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To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.
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I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat.
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?
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Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in America gets to do a comedy show about whatever he wants.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage.
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Come on, man, I got a full beard!
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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
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I guess my music taste is pretty predictable: I like new indie rock stuff, older stuff.
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Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them.
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You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.
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Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are... Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our increase.
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Instead of yelling your opinion, or telling people to shut up, or engaging in this clickbait-internet culture, have a dialogue with someone and ask people questions and listen to what they have to say.
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At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.
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I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.