Aziz Ansari Quotes
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Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
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I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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Everyone's first thought is "These women are going to take advantage of you" or "Someone's only going to date you because you're famous." That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat.
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I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love.
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I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms.
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I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the "nerd" moniker. But I don't get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a "racist" comedian.
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London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up.
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She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage.
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Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
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To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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When you meet someone you really like and connect with, I think that's very special, and not to be taken for granted.
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In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.
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I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.
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I guess my music taste is pretty predictable: I like new indie rock stuff, older stuff.
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It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing.
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life.
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At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?