Aziz Ansari Quotes
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I prefer being totally sober myself.
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
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Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
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Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.
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I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat.
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I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love.
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I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms.
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She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage.
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I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the "nerd" moniker. But I don't get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a "racist" comedian.
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I guess my music taste is pretty predictable: I like new indie rock stuff, older stuff.
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To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.
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Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.
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You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z.'
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In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.
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London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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Come on, man, I got a full beard!
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.
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It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing.
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?