Aziz Ansari Quotes
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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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It's much more fun to share and laugh at the bad times and the frustrations. I find you get a much deeper connection with the audience that way.
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I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
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Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
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She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage.
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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I prefer being totally sober myself.
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I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?
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To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.
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Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life.
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Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
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I guess my music taste is pretty predictable: I like new indie rock stuff, older stuff.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are... Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our increase.
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My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in America gets to do a comedy show about whatever he wants.
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Come on, man, I got a full beard!
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At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.
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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
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Every single person, pretty much, is taught what they're supposed to do: go to school, get a job, find someone to love, get married, have kids, raise the kids, and then die. Nobody questions that. What if you want to do something different?
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In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.