Aziz Ansari Quotes
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I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run.
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Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
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I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat.
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I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms.
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I prefer being totally sober myself.
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I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the "nerd" moniker. But I don't get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a "racist" comedian.
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I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love.
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I guess my music taste is pretty predictable: I like new indie rock stuff, older stuff.
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in America gets to do a comedy show about whatever he wants.
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What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
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She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.
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You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z.'
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Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
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In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped...RIGHT NOW?
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Come on, man, I got a full beard!
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Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life.
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I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.
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It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing.
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Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are... Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our increase.