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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
Aziz Ansari -
Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
Aziz Ansari
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To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.
Aziz Ansari -
So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is that why the rest of you guys are so aggressively fat and dirty? You think if you read one book and take a shower, dicks are going to just fly into your face.
Aziz Ansari -
Instead of yelling your opinion, or telling people to shut up, or engaging in this clickbait-internet culture, have a dialogue with someone and ask people questions and listen to what they have to say.
Aziz Ansari -
What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red Lobster!
Aziz Ansari -
I've always tried to maintain that I don't have any advice to give. I'm a curious observer.
Aziz Ansari -
Everyone's first thought is "These women are going to take advantage of you" or "Someone's only going to date you because you're famous." That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
Aziz Ansari
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You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.
Aziz Ansari -
Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are... Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our increase.
Aziz Ansari -
My dad grew up basically in a hut in Taiwan without enough food to eat. And within one generation his son in America gets to do a comedy show about whatever he wants.
Aziz Ansari -
Come on, man, I got a full beard!
Aziz Ansari -
She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage.
Aziz Ansari -
Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life.
Aziz Ansari
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Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.
Aziz Ansari -
At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.
Aziz Ansari -
I like going out and I like being single, but a growing part of me would rather just stay home, cook food with someone I really like, and do nothing.
Aziz Ansari -
It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing.
Aziz Ansari -
I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.
Aziz Ansari -
Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
Aziz Ansari
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I guess my music taste is pretty predictable: I like new indie rock stuff, older stuff.
Aziz Ansari -
I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.
Aziz Ansari -
Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
Aziz Ansari -
I never had the desire to be a professional Twitterer. Every now and then something dumb pops into my head and I'll tweet it. I don't feel any obligation to respond to everyone. Not that I don't appreciate people sending me messages on there, but there are too many. Responding to everyone would take away time for all the stuff I'm actually in the business for [stand-up or scripts].
Aziz Ansari