Aziz Ansari Quotes
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I like going out and I like being single, but a growing part of me would rather just stay home, cook food with someone I really like, and do nothing.
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I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.
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If someone writes something shitty and you actually address them, most of the time they're just like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a big fan." And they're really nice people. When you're on the Internet, it's people's first instinct to just go after people.
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I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there.
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I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat.
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Whats the worst that could happen?! The worst that could happen is he could cut off your legs and use them to make stilts that look like legs!
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Come on, man, I got a full beard!
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Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
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At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit.
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Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
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Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday.
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Everyone's first thought is "These women are going to take advantage of you" or "Someone's only going to date you because you're famous." That stuff's not really an issue because that's super-easy to see through.
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I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.
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Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.
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I guess my music taste is pretty predictable: I like new indie rock stuff, older stuff.
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Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are... Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our increase.
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I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which is a cool combo, and it's just fun doing a normal guy that's robbing a bank.
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Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.
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Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
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In this era, we have more choice than any group of people ever. When you are out at night, anyone in the universe can contact you instantly. Think about how crazy that is compared to even a few decades ago.
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Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
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Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation.
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I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.
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To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times.