My Wife Quotes
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. She said why should I you never put out for me.
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My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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When they look back on me I want 'em to remember me not for all my wives, although I've had a few, and certainly not for any mansions or high livin' money I made and spent. I want 'em to remember me simply for my music.
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My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit.
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Yes, we three were so happy, my wife, my guitar and me!
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My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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I work hard to let my wife know how much I love her. I try to do that every day.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.
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One of the best gifts my wife could ever give me was my two little boys.
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I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".
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My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
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It drives me nuts how I rely on my wife for everything. I can't imagine a day without her!
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I knew A.J. Muste very well. I tried for a while to be like he was, and that is a total pacifist. But then Margot my wife hit me hard in the stomach one day to prove to me that I wasn't as perfect a pacifist as I thought I was.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
