My Wife Quotes
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My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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One of the best gifts my wife could ever give me was my two little boys.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I knew A.J. Muste very well. I tried for a while to be like he was, and that is a total pacifist. But then Margot my wife hit me hard in the stomach one day to prove to me that I wasn't as perfect a pacifist as I thought I was.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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The mistake that I made was that I was engaged in a consensual relationship with a woman who was not my wife. That is a mistake for which I am very sorry.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.