My Wife Quotes
-
I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.
-
My personal time is limited, more so than I wish. However, my wife and I have talked about the fact that there are opportunities right now that won't be there forever. For example, when the Grateful Dead offered me to tour in 2004, my first reaction was to say no, I just can't do it. Then my wife said, "Well, let's rethink this. You don't want to look back down the road and say, I could've done that, but I said no." So, we made it work.
-
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
-
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
-
When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
-
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.
-
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
-
My wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens.
-
With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
-
I am willing to remain and play the man's game if there are not enough boats for more than the women and children. Tell my wife I played the game straight out and to the end. No woman shall be left aboard this ship because Ben Guggenheim is a coward.
-
I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.
-
I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.
-
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
-
Cardinal John O'Connor had my wife Margot and me over for drinks a couple of times. That was something I never could have envisioned back when I was a kid in Boston, that a cardinal and I would be, if not breaking bread, at least breaking Scotch.
-
With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
-
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
-
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
-
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
-
I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.
-
I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.
-
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
-
When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
-
I told my wife that I want to take a three-year break. She supported me and said, 'Please go ahead.' I am grateful that she supported me. For me, this romance and understanding is very important in our marriage.
-
My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.
