My Wife Quotes
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My personal time is limited, more so than I wish. However, my wife and I have talked about the fact that there are opportunities right now that won't be there forever. For example, when the Grateful Dead offered me to tour in 2004, my first reaction was to say no, I just can't do it. Then my wife said, "Well, let's rethink this. You don't want to look back down the road and say, I could've done that, but I said no." So, we made it work.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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My wife doesn't even want to spend 2 hours with me.
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I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.
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I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.
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My wife gives good headache.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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It's not in my nature to chop people's heads off, per se, or rob a bank or any crazy thing I've done on screen. I'm just comfortable reading a book or spending time with my wife and my daughter or watching the fight on TV with the fellas.
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My wife is my ultimate sexual fantasy. But there was this cute sheep back in Arclove ...
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I met my wife by breaking two of my rules: never date a girl seriously that you meet at a nightclub and never date a fan.
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My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
