My Wife Quotes
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My wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!
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The mistake that I made was that I was engaged in a consensual relationship with a woman who was not my wife. That is a mistake for which I am very sorry.
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Cardinal John O'Connor had my wife Margot and me over for drinks a couple of times. That was something I never could have envisioned back when I was a kid in Boston, that a cardinal and I would be, if not breaking bread, at least breaking Scotch.
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My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.
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My wife is been extremely supportive and when doubt creeps in, she's there pushing me along. She's helped me move up here, get all of my furniture and brought all my groceries. That's what marriage is about: supporting each other and helping each other reach our fullest potential.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
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I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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My wife doesn't even want to spend 2 hours with me.
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I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.
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I met my wife by breaking two of my rules: never date a girl seriously that you meet at a nightclub and never date a fan.
