My Wife Quotes
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I found out - the paper used to go to bed on Tues - on Monday. I found out that on Monday nights, the editors would cut out - literally cut out passages, sometimes whole paragraphs, of some of the writers that might possibly offend blacks, lesbians, gays, radicals. And I wrote a couple of columns about that. And they're - of course, they were annoyed that I had written about it, but, I mean, it - another example - and my wife Margot always also conjured that.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
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I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.
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My wife is my ultimate sexual fantasy. But there was this cute sheep back in Arclove ...
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My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I met my wife by breaking two of my rules: never date a girl seriously that you meet at a nightclub and never date a fan.
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It's not in my nature to chop people's heads off, per se, or rob a bank or any crazy thing I've done on screen. I'm just comfortable reading a book or spending time with my wife and my daughter or watching the fight on TV with the fellas.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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My wife gives good headache.
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My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.
