Chelsea Handler Quotes
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Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else's words. I could just stand there with a microphone, and nobody would interrupt me. It's the most narcissistic thing you could probably do.
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In a relationship, the sum of your parts should equal more than just you by yourself. He needs to bring something new and different to the table to up the ante.
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People are following me because they want to see pictures of me. So why is Instagram editing them?
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I like to celebrate my life. I have a life that I'm really lucky to have, and so I want to make sure every minute counts and that I go on great vacations and I share my memories with people that I love and that will make me laugh and lalalalalala.
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I'm really into the human interest thing. I really like regular people.
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Network TV is so limiting. There are so many parameters.
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It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
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Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, I'm like, 'Being friends with you is a burden. You think it's hard to be friends with me?'
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I'm actually a big fan of Kathy Griffin because I think she's really funny. I think she's really self-deprecating, which is something I like to see in a comedian. I think those are really the best comedians: people who can make fun of themselves.
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There are some really interesting celebrities and people who are fun to interview, but when you have to do it every day because you have to fill a slot, the allure wears off.
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Jews are underdogs - not in my world, obviously, they're not.
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There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?'
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I thought I'd become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.
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My position as the best-selling author at E! is secure - unless Salman Rushdie develops a show with them.
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I cannot be Mary Hart - or even worse, Samantha Harris - and stand there with my hip out talking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes taking Suri to an art museum without making fun of it.
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I want to educate people and deliver news that isn't just surrounded by Charlie Sheen. I'd like to be able to do the serious stuff in conjunction with the comedy.
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There's only so much you can say about celebrity, obviously.
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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and charismatic and weird. It's pretty hard to take your eyes off them.
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If you talk about Lindsay Lohan for four or five days a week, you really can't bear to talk about her on the weekends.
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Even my Mormon sister checks my rankings on Amazon.com.
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There are times I felt insecure or not sure: I'm unsure of myself, or I get nervous, but nerves are good. I try and embrace all those things. I try and embrace the times where I'm not sure of myself or I'm like, 'Is this going to work? Is this going to land?'
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I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be interesting when you're doing it?
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As the youngest of six kids, I grew up spending summers on Martha's Vineyard, and I was always topless. All the pictures are of me in jean shorts, no shirt - with my brothers, playing football.
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I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.