Chelsea Handler Quotes
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I cannot be Mary Hart - or even worse, Samantha Harris - and stand there with my hip out talking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes taking Suri to an art museum without making fun of it.
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Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else's words. I could just stand there with a microphone, and nobody would interrupt me. It's the most narcissistic thing you could probably do.
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Network TV is so limiting. There are so many parameters.
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There are some really interesting celebrities and people who are fun to interview, but when you have to do it every day because you have to fill a slot, the allure wears off.
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Every time I had a book come out, I'm like, 'Is it going to be number one?'
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There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?'
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I want to educate people and deliver news that isn't just surrounded by Charlie Sheen. I'd like to be able to do the serious stuff in conjunction with the comedy.
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I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
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In a relationship, the sum of your parts should equal more than just you by yourself. He needs to bring something new and different to the table to up the ante.
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The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.
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I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.
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There's only so much you can say about celebrity, obviously.
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Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, I'm like, 'Being friends with you is a burden. You think it's hard to be friends with me?'
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If you talk about Lindsay Lohan for four or five days a week, you really can't bear to talk about her on the weekends.
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There are times I felt insecure or not sure: I'm unsure of myself, or I get nervous, but nerves are good. I try and embrace all those things. I try and embrace the times where I'm not sure of myself or I'm like, 'Is this going to work? Is this going to land?'
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I'm really into the human interest thing. I really like regular people.
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You can't have friendships that aren't based on realness.
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As the youngest of six kids, I grew up spending summers on Martha's Vineyard, and I was always topless. All the pictures are of me in jean shorts, no shirt - with my brothers, playing football.
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I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared.
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I'm a devilish kind of person, but I embrace it. I don't try to fight it. It's proven very well for me.
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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
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It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
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I don't have a lot of shame. That doesn't mean I can't feel bad about the way someone reacts to me or about something I read about myself online. But I don't have a lot of guilt, no. I've always been this way. I'm missing a chip.
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Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.