Chelsea Handler Quotes

I don't have a lot of shame. That doesn't mean I can't feel bad about the way someone reacts to me or about something I read about myself online. But I don't have a lot of guilt, no. I've always been this way. I'm missing a chip.

Chelsea Handler

• Bad
• Missing

Don't think about anything for too long. Even if it's off-the-wall, go for it. You'll have a lot more fun in life.

Chelsea Handler

• Life
• Long
• Fun

Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else's words. I could just stand there with a microphone, and nobody would interrupt me. It's the most narcissistic thing you could probably do.

Chelsea Handler

• Up
• World
• Words

In a relationship, the sum of your parts should equal more than just you by yourself. He needs to bring something new and different to the table to up the ante.

Chelsea Handler

• Up
• Different
• Relationship

MTV is known for their huge budget.

Chelsea Handler

People are following me because they want to see pictures of me. So why is Instagram editing them?

Chelsea Handler

• People
• Why

Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, I'm like, 'Being friends with you is a burden. You think it's hard to be friends with me?'

Chelsea Handler

• People
• Friends
• Wedding

You either become like your parents or you become the opposite of your parents. And I like to think that I'm the opposite of my parents.

Chelsea Handler

• Parents

That's my biggest struggle, is maintaining a personal romantic relationship. It takes a lot of effort.

Chelsea Handler

• Relationship
• Effort
• Struggle

I like to celebrate my life. I have a life that I'm really lucky to have, and so I want to make sure every minute counts and that I go on great vacations and I share my memories with people that I love and that will make me laugh and lalalalalala.

Chelsea Handler

• People
• Life
• Great

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and charismatic and weird. It's pretty hard to take your eyes off them.

Chelsea Handler

• Pretty
• Eyes
• Weird

I encourage interoffice romance.

Chelsea Handler

I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal.

Chelsea Handler

• Marriage

I don't like speaking publicly when I don't have to be funny.

Chelsea Handler

• Funny

We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious?

Chelsea Handler

• Real
• Serious
• Teenager

I'm not trying to be a role model to kids, because I don't have any children, but I do think everyone should have a free spirit.

Chelsea Handler

• Children
• Trying
• Kids

I cannot be Mary Hart - or even worse, Samantha Harris - and stand there with my hip out talking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes taking Suri to an art museum without making fun of it.

Chelsea Handler

• Art
• Fun

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

Chelsea Handler

• Stupid

Jews are underdogs - not in my world, obviously, they're not.

Chelsea Handler

• World

There are some really interesting celebrities and people who are fun to interview, but when you have to do it every day because you have to fill a slot, the allure wears off.

Chelsea Handler

• People
• Fun
• Interesting

There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?'

Chelsea Handler

Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.

Chelsea Handler

• Up
• Time
• Country

I'm really into the human interest thing. I really like regular people.

Chelsea Handler

• People

Network TV is so limiting. There are so many parameters.

Chelsea Handler