Chelsea Handler Quotes

My position as the best-selling author at E! is secure - unless Salman Rushdie develops a show with them.

Chelsea Handler

• Author

Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else's words. I could just stand there with a microphone, and nobody would interrupt me. It's the most narcissistic thing you could probably do.

Chelsea Handler

• Up
• World
• Words

I cannot be Mary Hart - or even worse, Samantha Harris - and stand there with my hip out talking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes taking Suri to an art museum without making fun of it.

Chelsea Handler

• Art
• Fun

I want to educate people and deliver news that isn't just surrounded by Charlie Sheen. I'd like to be able to do the serious stuff in conjunction with the comedy.

Chelsea Handler

• People
• Comedy
• Serious

There are some really interesting celebrities and people who are fun to interview, but when you have to do it every day because you have to fill a slot, the allure wears off.

Chelsea Handler

• People
• Fun
• Interesting

There's only so much you can say about celebrity, obviously.

Chelsea Handler

• Celebrity

Everywhere I go, people ask me about Jennifer Aniston's wedding. Everywhere I go. I always say to her, I'm like, 'Being friends with you is a burden. You think it's hard to be friends with me?'

Chelsea Handler

• People
• Friends
• Wedding

There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?'

Chelsea Handler

In a relationship, the sum of your parts should equal more than just you by yourself. He needs to bring something new and different to the table to up the ante.

Chelsea Handler

• Up
• Different
• Relationship

Every time I had a book come out, I'm like, 'Is it going to be number one?'

Chelsea Handler

• Time
• Book

I'm really into the human interest thing. I really like regular people.

Chelsea Handler

• People

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

Chelsea Handler

• Stupid

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.

Chelsea Handler

• Interesting
• Challenge

I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.

Chelsea Handler

I don't have a lot of shame. That doesn't mean I can't feel bad about the way someone reacts to me or about something I read about myself online. But I don't have a lot of guilt, no. I've always been this way. I'm missing a chip.

Chelsea Handler

• Bad
• Missing

There are times I felt insecure or not sure: I'm unsure of myself, or I get nervous, but nerves are good. I try and embrace all those things. I try and embrace the times where I'm not sure of myself or I'm like, 'Is this going to work? Is this going to land?'

Chelsea Handler

• Good
• Work

Jews are underdogs - not in my world, obviously, they're not.

Chelsea Handler

• World

You can't have friendships that aren't based on realness.

Chelsea Handler

• Friendships

If you talk about Lindsay Lohan for four or five days a week, you really can't bear to talk about her on the weekends.

Chelsea Handler

As the youngest of six kids, I grew up spending summers on Martha's Vineyard, and I was always topless. All the pictures are of me in jean shorts, no shirt - with my brothers, playing football.

Chelsea Handler

• Up
• Kids
• Football

People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.

Chelsea Handler

• People
• World
• Men

It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

Chelsea Handler

• Life
• Time
• Long

Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift.

Chelsea Handler

Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.

Chelsea Handler

• Fun