Chelsea Handler Quotes

TMZ is so disgusting.

Chelsea Handler

I think you do need two terms as a president.

Chelsea Handler

The whole point of remaining on cable is to remain true to who I am. That's a bad, bad girl that got a big job.

Chelsea Handler

• Job
• Bad
• True

I've always had a problem with authority. That's why I had to be my own boss.

Chelsea Handler

• Why
• Boss

There's a lot of pretty funny women out there.

Chelsea Handler

• Women
• Pretty
• Funny

If you're a member of my family, whether immediate or extended, and you want to see my show, don't.

Chelsea Handler

• Family

I like the minute when I can get off the stage and go home, and I know I've done a good job.

Chelsea Handler

• Good
• Done
• Home

I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.

Chelsea Handler

• Work

I'm not superstitious at all. I'm not a Russian.

Chelsea Handler

I have always maintained a strong opposition to marriage because I would have to be in serious denial to pretend I wasn't born with a personality for divorce. Whatever the opposite of amicable is, that's how my breakups tend to play out.

Chelsea Handler

• Strong
• Marriage
• Serious

I'm a standup comedian, so I need people.

Chelsea Handler

• People

We women have to stick together.

Chelsea Handler

• Women
• Together

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

Chelsea Handler

• Time
• Father
• House

I like being able to, you know, pack up and leave the country and hop on a plane and go wherever I want and stay wherever and bring my friends with me and bring my family on vacation. That's amazing.

Chelsea Handler

• Up
• Country
• Family

I have severe ADD, and I'm constantly looking to amuse myself.

Chelsea Handler