Chelsea Handler Quotes
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I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared.
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I'm a devilish kind of person, but I embrace it. I don't try to fight it. It's proven very well for me.
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It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
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Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.
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You look at, like, a 'People' magazine, which used to be a really good, you know, nice magazine you could go to for real stories. It wasn't like a 'Star' or an 'US Weekly' and they have somebody with plastic surgery on the cover, Heidi Montag. And it's obviously what consumers want, because why else would they be doing it?
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I love Sandra Bullock. I think everybody loves her.
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I try not to apologize, especially publicly. That's a slippery slope, because I'm a comedian. If you take anything I'm saying too seriously, then you shouldn't be paying attention in the first place. If you find me offensive, don't follow me.
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When you interview celebrities, they're so guarded so many times, they can't reveal anything.
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Once I turned 40, my whole life changed in the most mature - not boring way but much cooler way. I feel much more like an adult.
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I encourage interoffice romance.
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I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be interesting when you're doing it?
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I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.
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I thought I'd become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.
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I'm not friends with any of my exes, and I've never understood the appeal.
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I don't pretend to be a great interviewer; I don't even pretend to be good at my job.
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I like the minute when I can get off the stage and go home, and I know I've done a good job.
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The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm way too divisive for a show like that.
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We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious?
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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and charismatic and weird. It's pretty hard to take your eyes off them.
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The whole point of remaining on cable is to remain true to who I am. That's a bad, bad girl that got a big job.
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I'm not trying to be a role model to kids, because I don't have any children, but I do think everyone should have a free spirit.
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Jennifer Aniston is one of the most down-to-earth, low-key people I know.
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I'm not superstitious at all. I'm not a Russian.
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Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.