Chelsea Handler Quotes
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I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be interesting when you're doing it?
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As the youngest of six kids, I grew up spending summers on Martha's Vineyard, and I was always topless. All the pictures are of me in jean shorts, no shirt - with my brothers, playing football.
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I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.
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I don't like speaking publicly when I don't have to be funny.
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I don't pretend to be a great interviewer; I don't even pretend to be good at my job.
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I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared.
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You can't have friendships that aren't based on realness.
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I encourage interoffice romance.
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I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal.
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I don't have a lot of shame. That doesn't mean I can't feel bad about the way someone reacts to me or about something I read about myself online. But I don't have a lot of guilt, no. I've always been this way. I'm missing a chip.
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I'm a devilish kind of person, but I embrace it. I don't try to fight it. It's proven very well for me.
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The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm way too divisive for a show like that.
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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
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You look at, like, a 'People' magazine, which used to be a really good, you know, nice magazine you could go to for real stories. It wasn't like a 'Star' or an 'US Weekly' and they have somebody with plastic surgery on the cover, Heidi Montag. And it's obviously what consumers want, because why else would they be doing it?
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I'm not trying to be a role model to kids, because I don't have any children, but I do think everyone should have a free spirit.
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Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.
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When you interview celebrities, they're so guarded so many times, they can't reveal anything.
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I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.
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I love Sandra Bullock. I think everybody loves her.
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I'm not friends with any of my exes, and I've never understood the appeal.
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Once I turned 40, my whole life changed in the most mature - not boring way but much cooler way. I feel much more like an adult.
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Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.
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We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious?
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I like the minute when I can get off the stage and go home, and I know I've done a good job.