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You look at, like, a 'People' magazine, which used to be a really good, you know, nice magazine you could go to for real stories. It wasn't like a 'Star' or an 'US Weekly' and they have somebody with plastic surgery on the cover, Heidi Montag. And it's obviously what consumers want, because why else would they be doing it?
Chelsea Handler -
As the youngest of six kids, I grew up spending summers on Martha's Vineyard, and I was always topless. All the pictures are of me in jean shorts, no shirt - with my brothers, playing football.
Chelsea Handler
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I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be interesting when you're doing it?
Chelsea Handler -
It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
Chelsea Handler -
I'm not friends with any of my exes, and I've never understood the appeal.
Chelsea Handler -
I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.
Chelsea Handler -
Jews are underdogs - not in my world, obviously, they're not.
Chelsea Handler -
When you interview celebrities, they're so guarded so many times, they can't reveal anything.
Chelsea Handler
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The whole point of remaining on cable is to remain true to who I am. That's a bad, bad girl that got a big job.
Chelsea Handler -
People are following me because they want to see pictures of me. So why is Instagram editing them?
Chelsea Handler -
I thought I'd become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.
Chelsea Handler -
I'm actually a big fan of Kathy Griffin because I think she's really funny. I think she's really self-deprecating, which is something I like to see in a comedian. I think those are really the best comedians: people who can make fun of themselves.
Chelsea Handler -
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and charismatic and weird. It's pretty hard to take your eyes off them.
Chelsea Handler -
I encourage interoffice romance.
Chelsea Handler
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Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift.
Chelsea Handler -
I like the minute when I can get off the stage and go home, and I know I've done a good job.
Chelsea Handler -
Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.
Chelsea Handler -
I'm not trying to be a role model to kids, because I don't have any children, but I do think everyone should have a free spirit.
Chelsea Handler -
There's a lot of pretty funny women out there.
Chelsea Handler -
Even my Mormon sister checks my rankings on Amazon.com.
Chelsea Handler
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If you're a member of my family, whether immediate or extended, and you want to see my show, don't.
Chelsea Handler -
I'm not superstitious at all. I'm not a Russian.
Chelsea Handler -
We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious?
Chelsea Handler -
Jennifer Aniston is one of the most down-to-earth, low-key people I know.
Chelsea Handler