Chelsea Handler Quotes

You look at, like, a 'People' magazine, which used to be a really good, you know, nice magazine you could go to for real stories. It wasn't like a 'Star' or an 'US Weekly' and they have somebody with plastic surgery on the cover, Heidi Montag. And it's obviously what consumers want, because why else would they be doing it?

Chelsea Handler

• People
• Good
• Real

I love Sandra Bullock. I think everybody loves her.

Chelsea Handler

I try not to apologize, especially publicly. That's a slippery slope, because I'm a comedian. If you take anything I'm saying too seriously, then you shouldn't be paying attention in the first place. If you find me offensive, don't follow me.

Chelsea Handler

• Attention

I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.

Chelsea Handler

• Funny

Once I turned 40, my whole life changed in the most mature - not boring way but much cooler way. I feel much more like an adult.

Chelsea Handler

• Life

Jews are underdogs - not in my world, obviously, they're not.

Chelsea Handler

• World

I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be interesting when you're doing it?

Chelsea Handler

• Why
• Interesting
• Silly

When you interview celebrities, they're so guarded so many times, they can't reveal anything.

Chelsea Handler

I'm not friends with any of my exes, and I've never understood the appeal.

Chelsea Handler

• Friends

I'm actually a big fan of Kathy Griffin because I think she's really funny. I think she's really self-deprecating, which is something I like to see in a comedian. I think those are really the best comedians: people who can make fun of themselves.

Chelsea Handler

• People
• She
• Fun

I encourage interoffice romance.

Chelsea Handler

Even my Mormon sister checks my rankings on Amazon.com.

Chelsea Handler

• Sister

I thought I'd become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.

Chelsea Handler

Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift.

Chelsea Handler

The whole point of remaining on cable is to remain true to who I am. That's a bad, bad girl that got a big job.

Chelsea Handler

• Job
• Bad
• True

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and charismatic and weird. It's pretty hard to take your eyes off them.

Chelsea Handler

• Pretty
• Eyes
• Weird

I like the minute when I can get off the stage and go home, and I know I've done a good job.

Chelsea Handler

• Good
• Done
• Home

If you're a member of my family, whether immediate or extended, and you want to see my show, don't.

Chelsea Handler

• Family

I'm not trying to be a role model to kids, because I don't have any children, but I do think everyone should have a free spirit.

Chelsea Handler

• Children
• Trying
• Kids

Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.

Chelsea Handler

• Up
• Time
• Country

There's a lot of pretty funny women out there.

Chelsea Handler

• Women
• Pretty
• Funny

I don't pretend to be a great interviewer; I don't even pretend to be good at my job.

Chelsea Handler

• Good
• Great
• Job

I'm not superstitious at all. I'm not a Russian.

Chelsea Handler

The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm way too divisive for a show like that.

Chelsea Handler

• Job