Chelsea Handler Quotes
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I don't like speaking publicly when I don't have to be funny.
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I want to educate people and deliver news that isn't just surrounded by Charlie Sheen. I'd like to be able to do the serious stuff in conjunction with the comedy.
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My position as the best-selling author at E! is secure - unless Salman Rushdie develops a show with them.
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If you talk about Lindsay Lohan for four or five days a week, you really can't bear to talk about her on the weekends.
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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and charismatic and weird. It's pretty hard to take your eyes off them.
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I encourage interoffice romance.
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I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be interesting when you're doing it?
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I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.
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Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift.
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The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm way too divisive for a show like that.
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Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.
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I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared.
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I love Sandra Bullock. I think everybody loves her.
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I'm a devilish kind of person, but I embrace it. I don't try to fight it. It's proven very well for me.
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I don't pretend to be a great interviewer; I don't even pretend to be good at my job.
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Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.
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You look at, like, a 'People' magazine, which used to be a really good, you know, nice magazine you could go to for real stories. It wasn't like a 'Star' or an 'US Weekly' and they have somebody with plastic surgery on the cover, Heidi Montag. And it's obviously what consumers want, because why else would they be doing it?
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As the youngest of six kids, I grew up spending summers on Martha's Vineyard, and I was always topless. All the pictures are of me in jean shorts, no shirt - with my brothers, playing football.
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I'm not friends with any of my exes, and I've never understood the appeal.
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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
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Once I turned 40, my whole life changed in the most mature - not boring way but much cooler way. I feel much more like an adult.
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We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious?
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When you interview celebrities, they're so guarded so many times, they can't reveal anything.
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Jennifer Aniston is one of the most down-to-earth, low-key people I know.