- All Quotes
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I have a huge impact with young girls. Young women. That's my demographic.
Chelsea Handler -
I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
Chelsea Handler
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You either become like your parents or you become the opposite of your parents. And I like to think that I'm the opposite of my parents.
Chelsea Handler -
MTV is known for their huge budget.
Chelsea Handler -
Who would marry me anyway? I'm a handful.
Chelsea Handler -
Some people think Hollywood is shallow. I find that it's home.
Chelsea Handler -
I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me $20 on $600. I told him in front of everyone, 'Jews like you give Jews like me a bad name.' That was my last waitressing job.
Chelsea Handler -
It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.
Chelsea Handler
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If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, just break up with them.
Chelsea Handler -
There's a difference between racism and people making a joke about something. There is true racism going on, and people should be able to identify what that is, comparatively.
Chelsea Handler -
You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind love - and that's just one big bummer.
Chelsea Handler -
Men are always like, 'You're so intimidating.' I don't find myself to be. But whatever - I'm not going to try to be less intimidating. It's just a matter of finding a guy who's able to deal with it.
Chelsea Handler -
Can you imagine peaking as a teen? I think if you peak in high school, there's a problem. That's what my sister always said: 'Don't worry, you'll peak later.'
Chelsea Handler -
I wanted to be famous. It's embarrassing to admit, but I came out to L.A. thinking it would happen in no time. I thought, 'Once they see me, they'll be so glad I came.' I always had a ridiculous amount of self-confidence about what was going to happen to me.
Chelsea Handler
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I never considered myself a supermodel or anything like that. I mean, I don't think I'm ugly. I have good days and bad days, and I like when I'm fit and lean and all of those things that any woman likes, but it's not the eye of the hurricane for me.
Chelsea Handler -
I like to celebrate my life. I have a life that I'm really lucky to have, and so I want to make sure every minute counts and that I go on great vacations and I share my memories with people that I love and that will make me laugh and lalalalalala.
Chelsea Handler -
I was broke from 19 to 26, borrowing money from my parents or my brothers or sisters every week to pay the bills.
Chelsea Handler -
I like to have a home for people just to have a lot of fun.
Chelsea Handler -
Anyone who's married to Mariah Carey - I'm pretty sure - doesn't have a great sense of humor. I mean, let's be honest: she's ridiculous. What is her game plan?
Chelsea Handler -
Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else's words. I could just stand there with a microphone, and nobody would interrupt me. It's the most narcissistic thing you could probably do.
Chelsea Handler
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Don't think about anything for too long. Even if it's off-the-wall, go for it. You'll have a lot more fun in life.
Chelsea Handler -
I cannot be Mary Hart - or even worse, Samantha Harris - and stand there with my hip out talking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes taking Suri to an art museum without making fun of it.
Chelsea Handler -
Some people have a phobia of midgets. They're, like, scared of them. I have the opposite - I see them, and I want to hold them down, cuddle them, be like, 'Come here, you little nugget. Who's your mommy now?' So cute!
Chelsea Handler -
Every time I had a book come out, I'm like, 'Is it going to be number one?'
Chelsea Handler