David Sedaris Quotes
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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.
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I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.
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I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.
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If finding an apartment is like falling in love, buying one is like proposing on your first date and agreeing not to see each other until the wedding.
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If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.
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If cooking is an art, I think we're in our Dada phase.
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... name association was big, as were my presumed interests in vaudeville and politics. In St. Louis the Bow tie was characterized as 'very Charlie McCarthy', while in Chicago a young man defined it as 'the pierced eyebrow of the Republican party'.
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No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
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If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.
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Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
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I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking.
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People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country.
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I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.
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The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing.
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I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.
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I think it's important to take chances.
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
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I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
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But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.
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After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.
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But most good movies have a gun in them.
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I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.