David Sedaris Quotes
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The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
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I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.
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I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.
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I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.
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If finding an apartment is like falling in love, buying one is like proposing on your first date and agreeing not to see each other until the wedding.
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If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.
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If cooking is an art, I think we're in our Dada phase.
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... name association was big, as were my presumed interests in vaudeville and politics. In St. Louis the Bow tie was characterized as 'very Charlie McCarthy', while in Chicago a young man defined it as 'the pierced eyebrow of the Republican party'.
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No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
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Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
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If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.
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People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country.
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I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking.
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The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing.
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I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.
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I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.
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Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.
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Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
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I think it's important to take chances.
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But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.
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I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
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After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.
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The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it's been declawed by the pompous insistence that most animosity is based upon fear rather than loathing. No credit is given for distinguishing between these two very different emotions.
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I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.