Dylan Moran Quotes
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What I prefer is an audience who listen. And are intelligent. Which I try and assume every audience is. And that if something goes wrong, it's generally my fault and not theirs.
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I don't bother with drugs myself 'cause I'm at that age now; I don't need to. If I want a rush, I just get out of a chair when I don't expect it. Forget to give yourself a couple of days notice before you tie your shoes. Whoosh! What a rush!
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I would never really analyse what I do. I leave that to other people - I'm not a critic. I just want to get on with whatever I have in hand, you know? Just try to make the best job of the available material.
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I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it.
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I did throw a lot of eggs into one basket, as you do in your teenage years - 'I am buying these records, I am wearing this'. I did quite a bit of that. You have to do it, wear your stupid shoes, wear your stupid hair.
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As an Irish person, there's a historical fascination with America: America is the default green and promised land for Irish people and Italians; that's what we grow up with.
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I'm just trying to understand what's around me as much as anyone else is, really. To draw a bead on a moving target.
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It turns you into two people: one of you's very nice, you'll go up to total strangers and say, 'Come in, come in, sit down, for God's sake, have something. Have my bed.' And then you'll go up to people you've known and loved all your life and say, 'Get the fuck out of my house! Go on, get out! And leave a tip!'
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When things are going well, I can't write fast enough to keep up with my mind. Writing walks, speech runs and talk flies. Other times, though, it's like fishing.
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I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.
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You see the button with the picture of the guy with the tray, and you push it, AND HE ARRIVES WITH A SANDWICH! ...And you think: 'Yes! Yes! I control sandwich monkey! I live in magic land, magic land, magic land.'
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I'm organised in some ways, but not in others.
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If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room; you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything. I've written lots of material, but how do you memorise 90 minutes? That's one hell of a long speech. I've always had problems with that.
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I grew up in a house where there was lots of teasing and language play and laughter; it was very important. When I was a teenager, you wouldn't go to a bar and find lots of televisions everywhere. People were talking. Talk was the mental fire you would gather around in the evening. It occupied a big part of your existence.
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I remember when singers were singers. Ugly people. Aretha Franklin needed a lot of room to eat her chicken wings. Janis Joplin used to come out in clothes woven from her own vomit. Nina Simone, amazing singer, could look at a railway track and buckle it. It didn’t matter; They were beautiful people because of what they could do.
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Bagpipes covered in hair
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'Well, you know what they say about John, anyway?'
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I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom, just as a very good programme.
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I get a phone call once every 18 months from some mad person who wants me to do something for less than no money and they give me about a week's notice. That's my film career, most of the time.
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I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.
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I quite fancy the 1940s. I like the trams and the trousers.
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Home gigs can be hard because it's an odd collision. More than anything, I feel self-conscious when my family are in the audience. I'm doing this job which is not quite acting - part of it is me, part performance. You're presenting a cartoon of yourself to people who know you as a line-drawing.
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I really can't describe what my stand-up is like - people see it and they say it's like that, or it's like this, and that's really up to them, that's fine, but I don't sit around all day analysing it. I just try and enjoy a show and interest myself because if I don't do that then I won't interest anybody else.
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Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine for a long time.