Dylan Moran Quotes
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I remember when singers were singers. Ugly people. Aretha Franklin needed a lot of room to eat her chicken wings. Janis Joplin used to come out in clothes woven from her own vomit. Nina Simone, amazing singer, could look at a railway track and buckle it. It didn’t matter; They were beautiful people because of what they could do.
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You can laugh at somebody because they are innocent, and because they are naive or they are about to walk into a wall, but if somebody's giving you stuff, if somebody's talking, giving you their take on things, what makes you laugh, generally speaking, is going to be somebody who is telling it in an angry way.
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You see the button with the picture of the guy with the tray, and you push it, AND HE ARRIVES WITH A SANDWICH! ...And you think: 'Yes! Yes! I control sandwich monkey! I live in magic land, magic land, magic land.'
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I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.
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I was very into New Order, Joy Division, all of that when I was younger. I had a lot of bootlegs that I saved up my pocket money to buy. I had all the obscure early EPs.
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I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.
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I fear we might be losing the basic human facility to be alone - and with that you throw out independent decision-making, what to trust, what not to trust; key stuff - a perilous loss.
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I don't know that you're able to measure your aggregate wisdom as you go through life. I can't say that I ever feel that I'm sitting on top of a growing mound of wisdom.
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I draw hundreds and hundreds of pictures of sort of gnarly looking men, so I don't know what that tells you. People who look like... they're waiting for a sandwich that's never going to come. I don't know what's wrong with me.
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I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
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The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.
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Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'
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Stand-up came naturally to me because people in Ireland talk. But that's not talking on panel shows; it is structured fun. It reminds me of some tragic aunt clapping her hands and bouncing into a room and announcing we should all play games... and if we don't we are all a rotten spoilsport.
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Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't.
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The terror of failure can make you feel like a failure. So a bunch of people think you're not very good at your thing. How much do you invest in what they say? How much do you care? Failure is not putting yourself on the line.
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That's why the have the programmes presented by 45 guys; 'Hi I'm Ted, I'm Bob, I'm Ralph, I'm Dick, I'm Dale, I'm Nick, I'm Will', and they keep changing all the angles of the camera. 'I'm over here, I'm at this desk, I'm standing here' and Wendy comes up from under the desk with the financial weather.
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I'm very drawn to Eastern Europe, so I like a Hungarian writer who wrote in French called Emil Cioran; he was always good for giving me such a stir.
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I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.
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It turns you into two people: one of you's very nice, you'll go up to total strangers and say, 'Come in, come in, sit down, for God's sake, have something. Have my bed.' And then you'll go up to people you've known and loved all your life and say, 'Get the fuck out of my house! Go on, get out! And leave a tip!'
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In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me to do things in different ways.
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It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.
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I enjoy performing, always, but when you're taping a gig, you've got to blank out this mass apparatus of self-consciousness that's surrounding you, this invitation to drown in self-consciousness. Otherwise you just won't be able to do anything.
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America is this incredible mosaic of immigrants, so people really want to be anchored in some kind of culture as well as the one they are living in.
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I'm just a guy who happens to work in public from time to time. I've built a reputation as an established comic, not as a celebrity - a celebrity is someone who is famous but doesn't do anything.