Dylan Moran Quotes
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I'm just a guy who happens to work in public from time to time. I've built a reputation as an established comic, not as a celebrity - a celebrity is someone who is famous but doesn't do anything.
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I don't really think of myself as an actor.
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People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'
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It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette... unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.
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My drive to put myself on the line comes from boredom. From that feeling when you go to bed and think, 'What did I do today?' It doesn't have to be something monumental, just a feeling that you really tried to look at something, or look into something.
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I never really had a career, to be honest with you. I never in my life sat down and planned it. I have thought, 'Oh, I'd like to do this,' like anybody would. But I'm not the type that says, 'If I do this, it will lead to that.'
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I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.
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The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.
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I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.
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You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.
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You don't need to turn the light switch on and off, again! You have absolutely NAILED DOWN the principle finding of that experiment; when you turn the lights off, daddy can't see ANYTHING. He steps on your toys trying to find you and kill you... And breaks his foot!
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I've seen stand up comedy, and after a while you start to notice that a lot of people are doing things that are like a lot of other people. There can be a bit of a herd mentality, and that's obviously less interesting because there's less going on. I'm just being totally frank with you.
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On euphemisms for homosexuals.
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I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly and turn up at the same place every day and eat sandwiches in the same canteen, if I can possibly help it, as I don't think I'd be very good at it.
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I write all the time, but you just want to be careful what you put out. That's all. You want to have the confidence that you've done what you need to do to it, because otherwise it's an exercise in vanity.
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There's always a host of voices you're inspired by. I love Don DeLillo, and I love Isaac Bashevis Singer, and I love Beckett, and I love Pinter. He's one of the funniest voices in English literature since Dickens.
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The East is very mysterious to Westerners. Even post-Cold War, it's still an unknown entity.
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Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20.
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I've always been a big consumer of American journalism over the years and had an interest in the history of it and of the press in America; how it has changed.
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I do not walk around imaging myself to be intimidating or smart.
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- Get into the bath.
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I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.
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This stage, if it hasn't already, probably will see a production of the Vagina Monologues. Which I cannot wait to see, because it sounds so fabulously fucking stupid. Everybody knows that if female genitalia could speak, it would sound exactly like Enya.
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It probably says something really clinically terrible about my character that I need to get up on a stage and go 'Ra ra ra' in front of people.