Jim Gaffigan Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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New York City has no need to move on from 9/11 because, in a sense, it moved on days after, moments after.
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The name 'Charmageddon' actually comes from a social technique that I use. Which is, you know, literally obliterating people with charm so that you can get away with saying stuff that no one else could ever get away with, you know?
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The last time I had to make a career decision, I was 17. I could have gone to Ballet Theatre or National Ballet of Canada. There were options. But as I became exposed to the Robbins repertoire, I realized that there was a living genius in the house.
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Reparations, I believe, are talked about for political reasons, trying to cater for the purpose of getting votes. If Congress was serious about reparations - in '93 and '94 the Democrats controlled the House, the Senate and the White House, and not one single Republican vote was needed for reparations.
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I doubt God would want to touch America's tax code, since it is already located in the third rung of Hell.
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I'm organized, but receipts tend to mess up my system. They're barbarians! So I store them in a notepad.
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My skin may have wrinkles but it's because I'm smiling so much. That might sound like some terrible American greetings card, but I feel it's immoral for me to castigate my body for getting older, when it does everything I ask of it.
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If there is any country on earth where the course of true love may be expected to run smooth, it is America.
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Reticulocytes are terminally differentiating red blood cells that do not contain lysosome. Therefore, it was postulated that the degradation of hemoglobin in these cells is mediated by a non-lysosomal machinery.
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I don't play the bass. I'm not in a band. I tried to think of ways I could touch base with the troops and support what we're doing.
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I'll only retire in the day I should be dead and they have me buried, and some idiot spell over my casket some stupid gospel stuff.
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Without the ability to talk about government power, there's no way for citizens to make sure this power isn't being misused.
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When I begin writing, I have no idea what my novels are ultimately going to be about. I don't have a plot. I never consider a theme. I don't make notes or outlines.
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Body odour (known also as scent of the immortals) is a disgusting condition with an awful, nauseating smell.
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江山如此多娇，引无数英雄竞折腰。惜秦皇汉武，略输文采；唐宗宋祖，稍逊风骚。一代天骄，成吉思汗，只识弯弓射大雕。俱往矣，数风流人物，还看今朝。
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Light in tone, the novel Murphy is Beckett’s response to the therapeutic orthodoxy that the patient should learn to engage with the larger world on the world’s terms.
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It can take up to 100 chinchillas to make one coat and Jennifer Lopez has one made of 80 of them, all killed by electrocution or having their necks snapped. … Besides, wearing fur makes you look like an old woman!
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Whenever they tell me children want this sort of book and children need this sort of writing, I am going to smile politely and shut my earlids. I am a writer, not a caterer. There are plenty of caterers. But what children most want and need is what we and they don't know they want and don't think they need, and only writers can offer it to them.
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To inquire and to create; these are the grand centres around which all human pursuits revolve, or at least to these objects do they all more or less directly refer.
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I did skit comedy online for many years, beginning around 2001. Around 2006 I started watching a lot of food television and got re-interested in food. I come from a very food-obsessed family. But I also wanted to do my own thing, which was the comedy.
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Respect the faculty that forms thy judgments.
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I grew up with a single mother, and I wasn't out shooting too many guns.
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I am a deeply spiritual and religious person both privately and publicly.
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There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.
