Jim Gaffigan Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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New York City has no need to move on from 9/11 because, in a sense, it moved on days after, moments after.
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The name 'Charmageddon' actually comes from a social technique that I use. Which is, you know, literally obliterating people with charm so that you can get away with saying stuff that no one else could ever get away with, you know?
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The last time I had to make a career decision, I was 17. I could have gone to Ballet Theatre or National Ballet of Canada. There were options. But as I became exposed to the Robbins repertoire, I realized that there was a living genius in the house.
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Reparations, I believe, are talked about for political reasons, trying to cater for the purpose of getting votes. If Congress was serious about reparations - in '93 and '94 the Democrats controlled the House, the Senate and the White House, and not one single Republican vote was needed for reparations.
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I doubt God would want to touch America's tax code, since it is already located in the third rung of Hell.
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I'm organized, but receipts tend to mess up my system. They're barbarians! So I store them in a notepad.
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My skin may have wrinkles but it's because I'm smiling so much. That might sound like some terrible American greetings card, but I feel it's immoral for me to castigate my body for getting older, when it does everything I ask of it.
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If there is any country on earth where the course of true love may be expected to run smooth, it is America.
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Reticulocytes are terminally differentiating red blood cells that do not contain lysosome. Therefore, it was postulated that the degradation of hemoglobin in these cells is mediated by a non-lysosomal machinery.
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I don't play the bass. I'm not in a band. I tried to think of ways I could touch base with the troops and support what we're doing.
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I'll only retire in the day I should be dead and they have me buried, and some idiot spell over my casket some stupid gospel stuff.
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I started my first company when I was in my college dorm as a senior with two of my really good friends. We started a company that became SparkNotes.com. You know CliffsNotes? SparkNotes is a modern-day version of that.
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Without the ability to talk about government power, there's no way for citizens to make sure this power isn't being misused.
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When I begin writing, I have no idea what my novels are ultimately going to be about. I don't have a plot. I never consider a theme. I don't make notes or outlines.
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Body odour (known also as scent of the immortals) is a disgusting condition with an awful, nauseating smell.
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江山如此多娇，引无数英雄竞折腰。惜秦皇汉武，略输文采；唐宗宋祖，稍逊风骚。一代天骄，成吉思汗，只识弯弓射大雕。俱往矣，数风流人物，还看今朝。
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Light in tone, the novel Murphy is Beckett’s response to the therapeutic orthodoxy that the patient should learn to engage with the larger world on the world’s terms.
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It can take up to 100 chinchillas to make one coat and Jennifer Lopez has one made of 80 of them, all killed by electrocution or having their necks snapped. … Besides, wearing fur makes you look like an old woman!
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All men were made by the Great Spirit Chief. They are all brothers.
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Saudi Arabia operates according to the belief that God made young men and women so utterly and completely without self-control that they must be physically segregated every moment of the day and night.
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The first education to be a good chemist is to do well in high school science courses. Then, you go to college to really become a chemist. You want to take science and math. Those are the main things.
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Our target customers are people in their 20s. Old people wanted to be 21 again, and young people wanted to be 21 forever.
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The Providence of heavenHas some peculiar blessing givenTo each allotted state below.
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There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.
