Jim Gaffigan Quotes

There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

Jim Gaffigan

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• New York City has no need to move on from 9/11 because, in a sense, it moved on days after, moments after.

  

  Karan Mahajan
  • City
  • Moments
  • New York

• The name 'Charmageddon' actually comes from a social technique that I use. Which is, you know, literally obliterating people with charm so that you can get away with saying stuff that no one else could ever get away with, you know?

  

  Hal Sparks
  • People
  • Name
  • Saying

• The last time I had to make a career decision, I was 17. I could have gone to Ballet Theatre or National Ballet of Canada. There were options. But as I became exposed to the Robbins repertoire, I realized that there was a living genius in the house.

  

  Damian Woetzel
  • Time
  • Career
  • House

• Reparations, I believe, are talked about for political reasons, trying to cater for the purpose of getting votes. If Congress was serious about reparations - in '93 and '94 the Democrats controlled the House, the Senate and the White House, and not one single Republican vote was needed for reparations.

  

  J. C. Watts
  • Believe
  • Trying
  • House

• I doubt God would want to touch America's tax code, since it is already located in the third rung of Hell.

  

  Larry J. Sabato
  • God
  • America
  • Doubt

• I'm organized, but receipts tend to mess up my system. They're barbarians! So I store them in a notepad.

  

  Lake Bell
  • Up
  • System
  • Mess

• My skin may have wrinkles but it's because I'm smiling so much. That might sound like some terrible American greetings card, but I feel it's immoral for me to castigate my body for getting older, when it does everything I ask of it.

  

  Olivia Williams
  • May
  • American
  • Body

• If there is any country on earth where the course of true love may be expected to run smooth, it is America.

  

  Harriet Martineau
  • Country
  • True
  • Expected

• Reticulocytes are terminally differentiating red blood cells that do not contain lysosome. Therefore, it was postulated that the degradation of hemoglobin in these cells is mediated by a non-lysosomal machinery.

  

  Aaron Ciechanover
  • Red
  • Blood
  • Cells

• I don't play the bass. I'm not in a band. I tried to think of ways I could touch base with the troops and support what we're doing.

  

  D. B. Sweeney
  • Think
  • Support
  • Band

• I'll only retire in the day I should be dead and they have me buried, and some idiot spell over my casket some stupid gospel stuff.

  

  Ozzy Osbourne Black Sabbath
  • Me
  • Stupid
  • Dead

• I started my first company when I was in my college dorm as a senior with two of my really good friends. We started a company that became SparkNotes.com. You know CliffsNotes? SparkNotes is a modern-day version of that.

  

  Sam Yagan
  • Good
  • Friends
  • College

• Without the ability to talk about government power, there's no way for citizens to make sure this power isn't being misused.

  

  Aaron Swartz
  • Power
  • Government
  • Talk

• When I begin writing, I have no idea what my novels are ultimately going to be about. I don't have a plot. I never consider a theme. I don't make notes or outlines.

  

  Tawni O'Dell
  • Writing
  • Idea
  • Begin

• Body odour (known also as scent of the immortals) is a disgusting condition with an awful, nauseating smell.

  

  Gao Xingjian

• 江山如此多娇，引无数英雄竞折腰。惜秦皇汉武，略输文采；唐宗宋祖，稍逊风骚。一代天骄，成吉思汗，只识弯弓射大雕。俱往矣，数风流人物，还看今朝。

  

  Mao Zedong

• Light in tone, the novel Murphy is Beckett’s response to the therapeutic orthodoxy that the patient should learn to engage with the larger world on the world’s terms.

  

  J. M. Coetzee
  • World
  • Light

• It can take up to 100 chinchillas to make one coat and Jennifer Lopez has one made of 80 of them, all killed by electrocution or having their necks snapped. … Besides, wearing fur makes you look like an old woman!

  

  Natalie Imbruglia
  • Up

• Anyone who's had a casual conversation with his neighbors or is cognizant of reality TV should already be petrified of democracy.

  

  David Harsanyi
  • Reality
  • Democracy

• I did an early version of my site where it was virtually impossible to get through it, just as a statement about the web. But after a few laughs and some angry e-mails, I realized it wasn't doing me much good. I think the web has become more about the final product, not what it takes to get to it.

  

  David Carson
  • Good
  • Angry

• The reformer for whom the world is not good enough finds himself shoulder to shoulder with him that is not good enough for the world.

  

  George Bernard Shaw
  • World
  • Good

• I think I've done every disgusting thing you can in a film.

  

  Sean William Scott
  • Film
  • Disgusting

• When people communicate freely, when labour force, goods, services and funds move freely as well, when there are no state dividing lines and when we have common legal regulation, for example, in the social sphere - all that is good enough, people should feel free.

  

  Vladimir Putin
  • People
  • Moving
  • Common

• There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

  

  Jim Gaffigan