Jim Gaffigan Quotes

My comedy is romanticized laziness.

Jim Gaffigan

• Comedy
• Laziness

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Quotes to Explore

• But in the long run we're not going to be able to keep out of state trash away from Pennsylvania.

  

  Ed Rendell
  • Long
  • Run
  • Trash

• I doubt if you can have a truly wild party without liquor.

  

  Carl Sandburg
  • Party
  • Doubt
  • New Years

• My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

  

  Garry Shandling
  • Friends
  • Me
  • Know

• Leaders know the importance of having someone in their lives who will unfailingly and fearlessly tell them the truth.

  

  Warren Bennis
  • Truth
  • Know
  • Someone

• Whereas, generally speaking, zinc reacts suitably only with the first members of the alkyl iodides, with magnesium it is possible to use bromides, iodides, and in many cases, chlorides.

  

  Victor Grignard
  • First
  • Possible
  • Speaking

• When you are not missing something, longing for something, you don't really think about it that much. It's like that girlfriend you don't want to have anymore. You don't think about her anymore. Or ex-husband. You just don't.

  

  Danica Patrick
  • Think
  • Want
  • Husband

• Stand by your man. Give him two arms to cling to and something warm to come to.

  

  Tammy Wynette
  • Man
  • For Her
  • Give

• If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.

  

  Ted Turner
  • Perfect
  • Humility
  • Only

• I lost 80 percent of my wealth and then gave away over half of the rest. So I'm a man of modest means now. But if you budget carefully and watch your expenditures, you can get by on a couple billion dollars.

  

  Ted Turner
  • Man
  • Lost
  • Rest

• The average full-time working male works more than a full-time working female.

  

  Warren Farrell
  • Time
  • Working
  • More

• At the end of the day, I am not my dad and have my own journey to make.

  

  Ram Charan
  • Dad
  • Day
  • Journey

• Kids are naturally gifted at art from a very young age. The problem is when they get older and become self-conscious. The process should always be fun, though.

  

  Damien Hirst
  • Art
  • Kids
  • Fun

• If God came down here with the box that had the reason for living in it, I'd like to find just 2 words: The Music. That would be neat.

  

  Garth Brooks
  • Music
  • God
  • Words

• You shouldn't be ashamed of your pain. You have the right to have your pain treated.

  

  Naomi Judd
  • You
  • Pain
  • Right

• As long as I have a heartbeat, I'm fine. So I just do what I love, and I do it the best that I can. And if it all goes away, I'll just start over.

  

  Pardis Sabeti
  • Long
  • Love
  • Best

• The beautiful thing about hip-hop is it's like an audio collage. You can take any form of music and do it in a hip-hop way and it'll be a hip-hop song. That's the only music you can do that with.

  

  Talib Kweli Black Star
  • Music
  • Beautiful
  • Song

• If I go out in the open ocean environment, virtually anywhere in the world, and I drag a net from 3,000 feet to the surface, most of the animals - in fact, in many places, 80 to 90 percent of the animals that I bring up in that net - make light. This makes for some pretty spectacular light shows.

  

  Edith Widder
  • Up
  • World
  • Pretty

• I think there needs to be a way to allow people to become educated if they've paid taxes, they've been here a long time. And I think, actually, we need to think about young people are not making the decision on whether to come here.

  

  Zoe Lofgren
  • People
  • Time
  • Long

• My family is first-generation Nigerian, and we grew up in a very small, suburban town in New England, Massachusetts. So I do understand what it feels like to be an 'only' in that regard.

  

  Uzo Aduba
  • Up
  • Family
  • Small

• I have an inability to enjoy things, but that's why we're in comedy. If we were happy, we wouldn't be funny, I guess.

  

  Paul Feig
  • Funny
  • Comedy
  • Enjoy

• The internet is like a gossipy girls' locker room after school, isn't it?

  

  Alex Kapranos Franz Ferdinand
  • School

• Like a lot of you, I grew up in a family on the ragged edges of the middle class. My daddy sold carpeting and ended up as a maintenance man. After he had a heart attack, my mom worked the phones at Sears so we could hang on to our house.

  

  Elizabeth Warren
  • Up
  • Family
  • Heart

• I'm the most democratic fascist you'll ever meet. I listen to everybody, and then I make a decision.

  

  George C. Wolfe
  • Decision

• My comedy is romanticized laziness.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Comedy
  • Laziness