Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"

Jim Gaffigan

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Quotes to Explore

• God gets you to the plate, but once your there your on your own.

  

  Ted Williams
  • God
  • You
  • Own

• I'm an actor, and I like having attention, I guess. There's a reason I like being on stage. There's a reason I like being in front of a camera. It's that interaction.

  

  Tatiana Maslany
  • Attention
  • Like
  • Camera

• I think I would like to see more roles for South Asian performers that are more inclusive and part of the American Diaspora, the American tapestry, perhaps the way that African American and Hispanic roles have developed.

  

  Aasif Mandvi
  • American
  • Think
  • See

• Success to me is having ten honeydew melons and eating only the top half of each slice.

  

  Barbra Streisand
  • Success
  • Me
  • Eating

• Regardless of what the record is, what the score is, you always go out there and compete.

  

  Zach LaVine
  • You
  • Always
  • Go

• NATO remains the cornerstone of Atlantic security.

  

  Victor Ponta
  • Security
  • NATO
  • Cornerstone

• I don't think Joe Louis could take the punches today fighting in this era.

  

  Larry Holmes
  • Think
  • Today
  • Fighting

• Indeed the three prophecies about the death of individual art are, in their different ways, those of Hegel, Marx, and Freud. I don't see any way of getting beyond those prophecies.

  

  Harold Bloom
  • Different
  • Art
  • Death

• Consumption is still going up on Alibaba. This is because when the economy goes down people look online to Alibaba to buy cheaper things.

  

  Jack Ma
  • People
  • Up
  • Economy

• The fact we don't have a lunar base has nothing to do with the technology. It has to do with public commitment and societal support.

  

  Mae Jemison
  • Support
  • Technology
  • Commitment

• When you read about the best places to work, it's never about salary; it's about catered lunches, the daycare - it's the cool stuff that matters.

  

  Paige Craig
  • Work
  • Best
  • Cool

• Some people feel that what we're doing makes no sense, that it's just a waste of money. But it's working.

  

  Calvin Klein
  • People
  • Money
  • Doing

• In the spring of 1936, I was introduced by friends to Jean Tatlock. In the autumn, I began to court her. We were at least twice close enough to marriage to think of ourselves as engaged.

  

  J. Robert Oppenheimer
  • Friends
  • Marriage
  • Spring

• If I could meet Quentin Tarantino, I don't know if I'd just ask him one question. I'd probably milk it into, like, 500 questions.

  

  Madison Davenport
  • Know
  • Question
  • Questions

• There might be 1 finger on the trigger, but there will be 15 fingers on the safety catch.

  

  Harold MacMillan
  • Safety
  • Will
  • Finger

• Most mainstream male fiction is littered with heroines, and female characters are basically so great, you want to fall in love with them.

  

  Iain Banks
  • Great
  • Characters
  • Fiction

• I always used to watch 'Labyrinth' and 'The Neverending Story.' Those were like my two favorite movies that I would watch over and over and over again.

  

  Vanessa Hudgens
  • Story
  • Movies
  • Favorite

• It's funny to think that when you get done with an acting job, you're considered unemployed. There are definitely times when those checks don't last forever. I went to college at a private school, and I racked up quite a bit of debt. I was very slow to pay them back.

  

  Rami Malek
  • Up
  • School
  • Done

• It is not what they built. It is what they knocked down.It is not the houses. It is the spaces between the houses.It is not the streets that exist. It is the streets that no longer exist.

  

  James Fenton

• It's very easy for people to be critical of President Obama's first term, but let's face it, he didn't exactly inherit the country in the best shape.

  

  George Clooney
  • People
  • Country
  • President

• I prayed every day for him. I believe in the good Lord, and my prayers were answered, as well as the prayers of everybody else.

  

  Nicko McBrain Iron Maiden
  • I Believe
  • Lord
  • Prayers

• On Christmas, my family and I see a movie and go out for Chinese food. We don't celebrate Christmas in the traditional sense, in that we do not actually celebrate Christmas.

  

  Eden Sher
  • Family
  • Movie
  • Food

• I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Funny
  • Kind
  • Water