Jim Gaffigan Quotes
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"

Quotes to Explore
-
God gets you to the plate, but once your there your on your own.
-
I'm an actor, and I like having attention, I guess. There's a reason I like being on stage. There's a reason I like being in front of a camera. It's that interaction.
-
Success to me is having ten honeydew melons and eating only the top half of each slice.
-
Regardless of what the record is, what the score is, you always go out there and compete.
-
I don't think Joe Louis could take the punches today fighting in this era.
-
Indeed the three prophecies about the death of individual art are, in their different ways, those of Hegel, Marx, and Freud. I don't see any way of getting beyond those prophecies.
-
Consumption is still going up on Alibaba. This is because when the economy goes down people look online to Alibaba to buy cheaper things.
-
The fact we don't have a lunar base has nothing to do with the technology. It has to do with public commitment and societal support.
-
When you read about the best places to work, it's never about salary; it's about catered lunches, the daycare - it's the cool stuff that matters.
-
Some people feel that what we're doing makes no sense, that it's just a waste of money. But it's working.
-
In the spring of 1936, I was introduced by friends to Jean Tatlock. In the autumn, I began to court her. We were at least twice close enough to marriage to think of ourselves as engaged.
-
If I could meet Quentin Tarantino, I don't know if I'd just ask him one question. I'd probably milk it into, like, 500 questions.
-
There might be 1 finger on the trigger, but there will be 15 fingers on the safety catch.
-
Most mainstream male fiction is littered with heroines, and female characters are basically so great, you want to fall in love with them.
-
I always used to watch 'Labyrinth' and 'The Neverending Story.' Those were like my two favorite movies that I would watch over and over and over again.
-
It's funny to think that when you get done with an acting job, you're considered unemployed. There are definitely times when those checks don't last forever. I went to college at a private school, and I racked up quite a bit of debt. I was very slow to pay them back.
-
My father and my mother and my sister and I have always voted Republican, always.
-
They say women and music should never be dated.
-
A dog is the only exercise machine you cannot decide to skip when you don't feel like it.
-
Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
-
If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.
-
I just like movies, not one particular kind or genre. In fact, movies that are harder to classify I like more.
-
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"