Erma Bombeck Quotes
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A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.
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Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
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... it's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.
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The term 'working mother' is redundant.
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Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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I think it's time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don't have room to carry their own toys, if men don't have pockets in their pants, tougho.
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the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
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Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
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Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.