Erma Bombeck Quotes
-
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
-
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
-
One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
-
There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.
-
My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again.
-
A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.
-
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
-
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
-
Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.
-
The term 'working mother' is redundant.
-
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
-
I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.
-
the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.
-
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
-
Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
-
It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
-
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
-
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
-
Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
-
Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
-
I think it's time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don't have room to carry their own toys, if men don't have pockets in their pants, tougho.
-
Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.
-
You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
-
I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.