Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
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A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.
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I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
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My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again.
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One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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I think it's time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don't have room to carry their own toys, if men don't have pockets in their pants, tougho.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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If I had my life to live over again, I would have waxed less and listened more. ... I would have cried and laughed less while watching television ... and more while watching real life. ... But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give the minute back until there was nothing left of it.
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
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A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.