Erma Bombeck Quotes
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No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill.
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
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Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions; it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
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I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
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Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
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People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
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We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.
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Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
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Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.