Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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It is upsetting to many parents that their teen-agers introduce them to their friends as encyclopedia salesmen who are just passing through ... if they introduce them at all. I have some acquaintances who hover in dark parking lots, enter church separately and crouch in furnace rooms so their teen-agers will not be accused of having parents.
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.
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The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
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Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to get married.
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When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.
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A child needs your love most when he deserves it least
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Success is outliving your failures
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman's life she can help God work a miracle.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.