Erma Bombeck Quotes
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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It is fast approaching the point where I don't want tAdenauer to want the job.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.