Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
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My mother phones daily to ask, "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no, she adds, "So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive," . . . and hangs up.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
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I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
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It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.
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It is fast approaching the point where I don't want tAdenauer to want the job.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.