Erma Bombeck Quotes
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What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?!
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant.
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If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
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The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.
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There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.