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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
Erma Bombeck -
Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
Erma Bombeck
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
Erma Bombeck -
When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
Erma Bombeck -
When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.
Erma Bombeck -
When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
Erma Bombeck -
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
Erma Bombeck -
I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
Erma Bombeck
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
Erma Bombeck -
Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
Erma Bombeck -
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Erma Bombeck -
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
Erma Bombeck -
I learned the importance of a man's chair early in life. I learned that he may love several wives, embrace several cars, be true to more than one political philosophy, and be equally committed to several careers, but he will have only one comfortable chair in his life. I learned it will be an ugly chair. It will match nothing in the entire house. It will never wear out.
Erma Bombeck -
A child needs your love most when he deserves it least
Erma Bombeck
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Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
Erma Bombeck -
People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
Erma Bombeck -
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
Erma Bombeck -
The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
Erma Bombeck -
I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
Erma Bombeck -
The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
Erma Bombeck
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A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck -
Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.
Erma Bombeck -
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Erma Bombeck -
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck