Erma Bombeck Quotes
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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It is fast approaching the point where I don't want tAdenauer to want the job.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
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Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.
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It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
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For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
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There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.
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Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.
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Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water.
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When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.
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In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.