Erma Bombeck Quotes
-
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
-
Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
-
There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.
-
Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
-
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
-
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
-
Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant.
-
Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.
-
Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
-
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
-
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
-
It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
-
When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
-
I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
-
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
-
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
-
For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
-
I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
-
I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.
-
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
-
Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
-
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
-
It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
-
I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.