Erma Bombeck Quotes
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
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Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
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Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
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There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
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Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.
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Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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Laugh now, cry later.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.
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When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
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I firmly believe kids don't want your understanding. They want your trust, your compassion, your blinding love and your car keys, but you try to understand them and you're in big trouble.
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If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.
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Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
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There would have been more 'I love you's' and more, 'I'm sorry's'.