Evan Esar Quotes
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The only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing.
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There is nothing more dignified than a corpse.
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The most uncommon form of intelligence is common sense.
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The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage.
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Communism is a form of society where the less people have to eat, the more they have to swallow.
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When laziness attacks a woman, it always avoids her tongue.
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Some men are so eager for success that they are even willing to work for it.
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Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.
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Some people would never get any exercise at all if they didn't have to walk to their cars.
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The word impossible is peculiar because if you examine it closely, you'll find that most of it is possible.
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Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
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If you want to know how little your dignity is worth, take it to the pawnbroker.
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The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
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Worry makes people thin, except when they worry about being fat.
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The car was invented as a convenient place to sit out traffic jams.
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Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
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A corporation has all the powers and privileges of an individual: all it lacks is a conscience.
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Life is a battle of wits, and many people have to fight it unarmed.
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Many a husband lives to regret the extravagant fee he bestowed upon the minister who sentenced him.
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Lecturers should remember that the capacity of the mind to absorb is limited to what the seat can endure.
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A bureaucrat is an official who is clothed with power and whom it doesn't fit.
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Las Vegas is a resort whose two chief sources of income are seven and eleven.
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If you don't like to make excuses or apologies, stop making promises.
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Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.