Michelle Wolf Quotes
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I think I'm a good joke writer. I'm also very scared that the last joke I wrote is the last joke I'll ever write.
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I always almost miss my flight. My routine is to constantly, no matter how bad or good the traffic is, to almost miss my flight.
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The more confident I am, the more daring I am.
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When I'm on the road, I eat like I'm on the third day of a hiking trip all the time. I'm eating beef jerky and trail mix constantly.
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A good joke can work in New York and Kentucky.
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People can be successful for a short period of time, but only a handful of people are successful for decades.
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Some comedy has turned into, 'Donald Trump's bad, isn't he?' That's a true statement. But where is your joke?
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Writing and telling jokes is my favorite thing to do, and I want to be able to do that forever.
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Honestly, I never really thought I'd be a comedian. But I did take an aptitude test in seventh grade - and this is 100 percent true - I took an aptitude test in seventh grade, and it said in my best profession was a clown or a mime.
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I would love to be a dad. There are plenty of comedians who have kids. But they're dads. Being a dad is so different from being a mom.
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A lot of people want Trump to be impeached. I do not. Because just when you think Trump is awful, you remember Mike Pence. Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn't gay.
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As a woman, I have access to hit women in a way that men might not be able to hit them with jokes. I don't mean physically hit. But you know, because I'm a woman, I can say things about women because I know what it's like to be a woman, if that makes any sense.
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Before comedy, I worked at a tech company, and before that, I worked on Wall Street. And, honestly, I've never really been sexually harassed.