P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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If there are three words that need to be used more in American journalism, commentary, politics, personal life... it's the magic words 'I don't know.'
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Democrats hate America being a world power because world power gives power to the nation instead of to Democrats.
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Jeans fit the mature male one of two ways, both dirigible in nature. You make a public impression that's either Hindenburg or Goodyear blimp.
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Rich people don't like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don't go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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I don't watch much television.
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
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The great majority of Baghdad is a slum - a lot of it's new, but it's still slum. It's usually this concrete-block, one-room design with a door and a window, arranged one-up, one-down, often with a shop with nothing in it on the first floor, and then a one-room apartment above it. There's street after street after street of that stuff.
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Bill Clinton is not a hypocrite. If a man believes that it is just and moral to redistribute wealth, there is nothing hypocritical in his attempts to redistribute some of that wealth to himself.
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If death weren't around to 'finalize' the Darwinian process, we'd all still be amoebas.
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I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics.
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We Americans, who invented traffic, are always being startled by the forms into which it has evolved around the world.
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I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal.
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Public schools helped create the idea of America and inculcate Americans with a few rudiments of knowledge. To judge by that very American item, the Internet, a few rudiments is all anyone cares to have.
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Being gloomy is easier than being cheerful. Anybody can say 'I've got cancer' and get a rise out of a crowd. But how many of us can do five minutes of good stand-up comedy?
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Obama's space policy doesn't differ much from George W. Bush's.
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When I board an airplane these days, all the middle-aged men are dressed like me - when I was an 8-year-old. They're in shorts and T-shirts. And it's not just on airplanes. It's in business offices, teachers' lounges, and churches.
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Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed voting should be outlawed.
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Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven.
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There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees.
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Just because a subject is serious doesn't mean it doesn't have plenty of absurdities.
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My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.