P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Marijuana is … self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?
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Where self-interest is violently suppressed, it is replaced by a burdensome system of bureaucratic control which dries up the wellsprings of initiative and creativity.
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Conservatives really don't believe in politics as the primary instrument of getting along in life and therefore don't tend to put their energy into it a way people left of center do.
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The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants.
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A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.
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Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware.
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There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.
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Detroit is beautiful - though you probably have to be a child of the industrial Midwest, like me, to see it.
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They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, 'But doesn't it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn't it be set in New Guinea?' And you say, 'But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.'
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Upbeat is for people who want to feel good about their cause: the reformers, the progressives, the revolutionaries, the utopians, the collectivists, and the rest of the altruistic scum of the earth. Why do these people want to feel good? They want to feel good in order to convince themselves that they are good.
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Just because a subject is serious doesn't mean it doesn't have plenty of absurdities.
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The budget doesn't have much control over the government. Then again, the government doesn't have much control over the budget.
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Pollution is a problem, and there's the whole problem of the spoiling of the commons, but we've addressed the pollution problem on a variety of different levels in a variety of ways, and it's worked pretty well.
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Simply because something is a populist movement doesn't make it either good or bad.
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The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.
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For decades in America, there has been an effort to ensure that the rights of those who are not sane are the same as the rights of those who are.
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The great thing about being a print journalist is that you are permitted to duck. Cameramen get killed while the writers are flat on the floor. A war correspondent for the BBC dedicated his memoir to 50 fallen colleagues, and I guarantee you they were all taking pictures. I am only alive because I am such a chicken.
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My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you're fortunate - and both of us are - you come from the kidding kind of Irish family.
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Even the dumber parts of our government are not run by idiots. These are ordinary people like us, doing a job. By and large, they're trying to do it as well as they can. Or at least as often as people in the private sector try to do as well as they can.
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That is the really great thing about being an adult male, once you get married and have children the whole decision-making process is taken out of your hands, and I for one am extremely grateful.
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You can keep the dining room clean by eating in the kitchen.
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I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal.
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Biotechnology is a worry. What if they take genetic material from wet noodles and blowfish and splice it into politician chromosomes and create a Clinton administration?
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No government proposal more complicated than 'This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private' ever works.