P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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The neo-hippie-dips, the sentimentality-crazed iguana anthropomorphizers, the Chicken Littles, the three-bong-hit William Blakes- thank God these people don't actually go outdoors much, or the environment would be even worse than it is already.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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Politics is - once in a while - a forum for serious debate about political philosophy.
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Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters.
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I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him.
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The one thing that's terrible about traveling for fun is writing about it.
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The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.
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One thing talk can't accomplish is communication. This is because everybody's talking too much to pay attention to what anyone is saying
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Public schools helped create the idea of America and inculcate Americans with a few rudiments of knowledge. To judge by that very American item, the Internet, a few rudiments is all anyone cares to have.
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I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words.
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We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren't there.
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Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let's hope so.
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Being gloomy is easier than being cheerful. Anybody can say 'I've got cancer' and get a rise out of a crowd. But how many of us can do five minutes of good stand-up comedy?
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Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven.
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Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed voting should be outlawed.
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In midlife, we're as dumb as we get.
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People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.
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Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I'm not even sure we can draw lessons from them.
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When I board an airplane these days, all the middle-aged men are dressed like me - when I was an 8-year-old. They're in shorts and T-shirts. And it's not just on airplanes. It's in business offices, teachers' lounges, and churches.
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Mistreatment of al Qaeda members and their friends and hangers-on is something I number among my moral concerns. But it's number 1,000,000,001.
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Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live forever, and all be rich. Conservatives are never that stupid.
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As a former writer for the 'National Lampoon,' I've probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
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I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal.
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For decades in America, there has been an effort to ensure that the rights of those who are not sane are the same as the rights of those who are.