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I live in New Hampshire. We're in favor of global warming. Eleven hundred more feet of sea-level rises? I've got beachfront property. You tell us up there, 'By the end of the century, New York City could be underwater,' and we say, 'Your point is?'
P. J. O'Rourke
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Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I suspect the soviets never did want to use those bombs. The most Stalinist of Soviet hard-liners - Stalin, for example - must have realized a nuclear war would be a hard thing to clean up after.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Satire doesn't effect change.
P. J. O'Rourke
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As a longtime former resident of 15 years in Washington, I wish that everybody would stay off the Mall with their political cause so that we can get out there, you know, and play flag football or Frisbee, or walk the dog or something - you know, which is, you know, what the National Mall should be for, in my personal opinion.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Governments have monopolies on certain things, like eminent domain and deadly force.
P. J. O'Rourke
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A careful reading of 50 Simple Things leaves you wondering whether you're going to die from environmental disaster or intellectual annoyance. Failing either, you can worry yourself to death.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The whole melodrama of the Middle East would be improved if amnesia were as common here as it is in melodramatic plots.
P. J. O'Rourke
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One thing talk can't accomplish is communication. This is because everybody's talking too much to pay attention to what anyone is saying
P. J. O'Rourke
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All business is capitalistic. You require capital for any sort of business endeavour.
P. J. O'Rourke
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If you spend 72 hours in a place you've never been, talking to people whose language you don't speak about social, political, and economic complexities you don't understand, and you come back as the world's biggest know-it-all, you're a reporter. Either that or you're President Obama.
P. J. O'Rourke
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America is a meritocracy.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Liberals consider people to be nuisances.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Public schools helped create the idea of America and inculcate Americans with a few rudiments of knowledge. To judge by that very American item, the Internet, a few rudiments is all anyone cares to have.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Even the dumber parts of our government are not run by idiots. These are ordinary people like us, doing a job. By and large, they're trying to do it as well as they can. Or at least as often as people in the private sector try to do as well as they can.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Tel Aviv is new, built on the sand dunes north of Jaffa in the 1890s, about the same time Miami was founded. The cities bear a resemblance in size, site, climate, and architecture, which ranges from the bland to the fancifully bland.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The library, with its Daedalian labyrinth, mysterious hush, and faintly ominous aroma of knowledge, has been replaced by the computer's cheap glow, pesky chirp, and data spillage.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, because they don't read 'The Theory of Moral Sentiments.'
P. J. O'Rourke
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In the language of politics, there is only one translation for the phrase 'hope and change,' to wit: 'big, fat government.'
P. J. O'Rourke
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College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being modest institutions.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Demolishing pretensions, especially worthy ones, is a hallmark of the baby boom.
P. J. O'Rourke
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In a free country, government is a dull and onerous responsibility. It is a parent-teacher conference.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Even the most left-wing politicians worship wealth creation - as the political-action-committee collection plate is passed.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that's the point.
P. J. O'Rourke
