P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.
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It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s. Liberals would still be fumbling with the federally mandated trigger locks.
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There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.
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Raining on parades requires no skill or effort on the part of a politician.
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Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics.
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Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box.
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Everybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they're right.
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One thing talk can't accomplish is communication. This is because everybody's talking too much to pay attention to what anyone is saying
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The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative.
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Rich people don't like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don't go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
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Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich.
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I am unboreable in the great outdoors.
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Satire doesn't effect change.
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If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I mean, if Republicans will take Al D'Amato, they'll take anybody.
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Many reporters, when they go to work in the nation’s capital, begin thinking of themselves as participants in the political process instead of glorified stenographers.
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There was an austerely dignified award ceremony. By that I mean we had to buy our own drinks - in clear violation of the international journalists'code of truth, fairness and an open bar.
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At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying whole wide world.
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America is a meritocracy.
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I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning.
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Money is preferable to politics. It is the difference between being free to be anybody you want and to vote for anybody you want. And money is more effective than politics both in solving problems and in providing individual independence. To rid ourselves of all the trouble in the world, we need to make money. And to make money, we need to be free.
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The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensus is when my doctor and my lawyer agree with my wife that I need help.
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Demolishing pretensions, especially worthy ones, is a hallmark of the baby boom.
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The laws of the marketplace are physical laws, and they don't become suspended in a crisis any more than the law of gravity does.