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Summing it Up..."Where's a good place for dinner?" I asked. "There's the Brasserie Lipp on the Avenue St. Germaine," she said, "or La Coupole in Montmartre." "Not La Coupole," I said. "I've been there before. That's the place that's crowded and noisy and smells bad and everybody's rude as hell, isn't it?" "I think you just described France," she said.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Whereas Rolling Stone, I just never had anything to do with them. I'd stop by the office maybe twice a year.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With Kids.
P. J. O'Rourke -
There are artists with palettes and easels selling the kind of modern art that Soviet art critics used to critique with bulldozers. Judging by the paintings I saw, the Soviets were right the first time.
P. J. O'Rourke -
It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Intelligence collection has been given an additional bureaucracy to correct the problems created by too much bureaucracy in intelligence collection.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and he will be certain that you are either telling the truth or a big, important lie.
P. J. O'Rourke
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When a couple decides to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents before having a party and telling all their friends. This is not only courteous but practical. Parents may be very willing to pitch in with comments, criticism, and malicious gossip of their own to help the divorce along.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Guns are always the best method for a private suicide. They are more stylish looking than single-edged razor blades and natural gas has got so expensive. Drugs are too chancy. You might miscalculate the dosage and just have a good time.
P. J. O'Rourke -
France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.
P. J. O'Rourke -
The real truth about children is they don't speak the language very well. They're physically uncoordinated. And they are ignorant of our elaborate ideas about right and wrong.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Maybe it's understandable what a history of failures America's foreign policy has been. We are, after all, a country full of people who came to America to get away from foreigners. Any prolonged examination of the U.S. government reveals foreign policy to be America's miniature schnauzer -- a noisy but small and useless part of the national household.
P. J. O'Rourke -
How much fame, money and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face?
P. J. O'Rourke
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Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about "character issues."
P. J. O'Rourke -
The poor of the world cannot be made rich by the redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty, taking their money and giving it as a reward to people who have failed to escape.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Men generally pay for all expenses on a date ... either sex, however, may bring a little gift, its value to be determined by the bizarrness of the sexual request to be made later that evening.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Lampoon was exactly the opposite. The work was a lot of fun, but the office environment was hell. You cannot put 20 humorists together.
P. J. O'Rourke -
We're gonna be in a world of hurt if we don't get it fixed, because there's going to be billions of people out there - they're hungry, they're mad. One thing that they can get their hands on is guns.
P. J. O'Rourke -
Lampoon ran out of steam in the early '80s, and wasn't able to reinvent itself because it ran out of talent. People who wanted to do this kind of stuff could suddenly make $100,000 in Hollywood right out of college.
P. J. O'Rourke
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A world government run by the UN will be like getting an old, purblind, half-deaf substitute teacher.
P. J. O'Rourke -
If the dollar weakens, then presumably all the things that we make in the United States - Buicks, for instance - can be sold cheap all over the world, and everyone will be buying our goods, and we'll get all sorts of yen-denominated, or yuan-denominated, or euro-denominated securities, and then everybody else will be worried.
P. J. O'Rourke -
If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.
P. J. O'Rourke -
If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps.
P. J. O'Rourke