Louis C. K. Quotes
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The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.
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Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
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You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience.
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Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much.
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If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
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If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye.
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It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me.
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I don't have a brother in real life.
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I could never sit down and write jokes.
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I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat.
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Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything's going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, 'Hey, you really are screwing this up,' and then they just get better.
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Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.'
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Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'.
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The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness.
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Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.
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When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act.'
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A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much.
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I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out.
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When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore.
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I've always loved boxing. It's something I've always been extremely excited about.
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I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head.
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I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die.
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A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody.
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A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around.