Jokes Quotes
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People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off.
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The reasons I never set out to do a talk show is they're formulaic. People come out, tell jokes and read questions. But that's not what I do, and we built the show around my skill set.
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The joke or the pratfall is easy for me to do.
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Stand-up life is really hard. At one point, I got so paralyzed I could write five screenplays before I could write three jokes for stand-up. Later, I've finally allowed myself to relax quite a bit, to think I can do it because I've done it in the past. The pressure to come up with the material is the same but the anxiety about whether I can do it is gone.
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I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage.
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It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
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I did a show called 'What A Country,' with Yakov Smirnoff and Don Knotts. I used to write jokes for Yakov's stand-up act.
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People try to put ownership on things: 'That's mine, that's my joke.' No such thing. Like if you tripped or stumbled and people go, 'Oh, that's Charlie Chaplin.' You know what I mean? You can't own a joke. You can be the guy that tells it the best, but you can't own a joke. Nowhere can you own a laugh.
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If sex isn't a joke, what is it?
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Worse than jokes in the morning did she hate the idea of a husband.
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There's always someone who's going to interpret my material as racist, but it's not. Racism comes from intent and power. A racist will tell a joke about a group of people only when they're not in the room. I'll talk about a group of people only when they're in the room.
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Only the saints would joke so about the gods, because it was either joke or scream, and they alone knew it was all the same to the gods.
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I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.
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I'm Irish, so I'm messing all the time. Which means, I'm having a laugh. I'm always making jokes.
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My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.
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I'm a goof. I talk too much. I tell stories. I tell cheesy Dad jokes. I'm theatrical and I'll mix things up and I'll surprise people. Those are the things that I just do because that's who I am.
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If they invent a car that runs on stupid jokes, you could go far.
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While 'The Middle' is still funny for adults to watch, there aren't sex jokes. And I'm fine with that. I like the idea that my nieces and nephews can watch it without their parents.
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I used to joke that if acting didn't work out, poetry was my commonsense fallback.
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I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.
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The secret to a successful webcomic is to trick people into believing they will only get all the jokes if they read regularly. By the time they realize there are no jokes for them to get, they’ve invested too much time to quit, and they can’t admit they’ve been duped,” said Kevin. “There is a whole art to creating nonexistent jokes that appear to go over everyone’s head. It’s much harder than creating actual jokes.
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Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
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What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.
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I make jokes. That's what I do.
