Jokes Quotes
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A joke isn't a joke until someone laughs.
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The funnest jokes for me to tell are the ones that are the newest. So I'm just constantly motivated to keep my eyes and ears open and have new stuff.
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As a woman, I have access to hit women in a way that men might not be able to hit them with jokes. I don't mean physically hit. But you know, because I'm a woman, I can say things about women because I know what it's like to be a woman, if that makes any sense.
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Postmodernism is among other things a sick joke at the expense of... revolutionary avant-gardism.
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I make terrible jokes every time I go into a hospital. I think it's a defence mechanism.
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Worse than jokes in the morning did she hate the idea of a husband.
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Everyone was doing alternative comedy. I thought I'd distinguish myself by just telling jokes, with differing degrees of success.
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People try to put ownership on things: 'That's mine, that's my joke.' No such thing. Like if you tripped or stumbled and people go, 'Oh, that's Charlie Chaplin.' You know what I mean? You can't own a joke. You can be the guy that tells it the best, but you can't own a joke. Nowhere can you own a laugh.
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There's always someone who's going to interpret my material as racist, but it's not. Racism comes from intent and power. A racist will tell a joke about a group of people only when they're not in the room. I'll talk about a group of people only when they're in the room.
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I enjoy the way I look, but it's a joke.
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I used to joke that if acting didn't work out, poetry was my commonsense fallback.
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People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off.
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I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage.
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If sex isn't a joke, what is it?
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I love to smile. I love to laugh. I like to hear jokes. For instance, when I'm on the road, every night I watch 'Seinfeld.' I find it somewhere. I think it's so funny, and I watch the repeats over and over again.
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Only the saints would joke so about the gods, because it was either joke or scream, and they alone knew it was all the same to the gods.
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It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
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I'm Irish, so I'm messing all the time. Which means, I'm having a laugh. I'm always making jokes.
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I'm a goof. I talk too much. I tell stories. I tell cheesy Dad jokes. I'm theatrical and I'll mix things up and I'll surprise people. Those are the things that I just do because that's who I am.
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It's hard to program a computer to make jokes. The brain needs to do something here; the brain needs to come up with something bizarre to make something funny.
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I did a show called 'What A Country,' with Yakov Smirnoff and Don Knotts. I used to write jokes for Yakov's stand-up act.
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While 'The Middle' is still funny for adults to watch, there aren't sex jokes. And I'm fine with that. I like the idea that my nieces and nephews can watch it without their parents.
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Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
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What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.
