Jokes Quotes
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When you people have a set up joke and the joke is set up straight and the words are just well written, I always say "C'mon, humans don't speak that way."
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There's always someone who's going to interpret my material as racist, but it's not. Racism comes from intent and power. A racist will tell a joke about a group of people only when they're not in the room. I'll talk about a group of people only when they're in the room.
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I make terrible jokes every time I go into a hospital. I think it's a defence mechanism.
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I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage.
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Stand-up life is really hard. At one point, I got so paralyzed I could write five screenplays before I could write three jokes for stand-up. Later, I've finally allowed myself to relax quite a bit, to think I can do it because I've done it in the past. The pressure to come up with the material is the same but the anxiety about whether I can do it is gone.
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I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.
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Worse than jokes in the morning did she hate the idea of a husband.
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People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off.
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People try to put ownership on things: 'That's mine, that's my joke.' No such thing. Like if you tripped or stumbled and people go, 'Oh, that's Charlie Chaplin.' You know what I mean? You can't own a joke. You can be the guy that tells it the best, but you can't own a joke. Nowhere can you own a laugh.
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It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
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If sex isn't a joke, what is it?
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I did a show called 'What A Country,' with Yakov Smirnoff and Don Knotts. I used to write jokes for Yakov's stand-up act.
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Only the saints would joke so about the gods, because it was either joke or scream, and they alone knew it was all the same to the gods.
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I'm Irish, so I'm messing all the time. Which means, I'm having a laugh. I'm always making jokes.
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I love to smile. I love to laugh. I like to hear jokes. For instance, when I'm on the road, every night I watch 'Seinfeld.' I find it somewhere. I think it's so funny, and I watch the repeats over and over again.
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If they invent a car that runs on stupid jokes, you could go far.
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My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.
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I used to joke that if acting didn't work out, poetry was my commonsense fallback.
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I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.
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I'm a goof. I talk too much. I tell stories. I tell cheesy Dad jokes. I'm theatrical and I'll mix things up and I'll surprise people. Those are the things that I just do because that's who I am.
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While 'The Middle' is still funny for adults to watch, there aren't sex jokes. And I'm fine with that. I like the idea that my nieces and nephews can watch it without their parents.
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The secret to a successful webcomic is to trick people into believing they will only get all the jokes if they read regularly. By the time they realize there are no jokes for them to get, they’ve invested too much time to quit, and they can’t admit they’ve been duped,” said Kevin. “There is a whole art to creating nonexistent jokes that appear to go over everyone’s head. It’s much harder than creating actual jokes.
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I make jokes. That's what I do.
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Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
