Comedian Quotes
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I considered myself a professional comedian because the club would pay me $20.
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As a comedian, I'm like one of those on-the-scene reporters. I will actually go and try to find disasters so I can write jokes as the disasters unfold.
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Awards mean nothing to comedians. What matters is the audience, how you're doing - artistically, for the most part - at that moment.
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For aspiring comedians? Don't listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.
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I always think everyone else is funnier than me. I look at other comedians and I say, 'I wish I was that good.' People think I'm funny, and I say, 'I'm not.'
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The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don't tell me jokes - I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction.
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I'm a standup comedian who gets to act. I'm never going to not do standup. I love doing it and when I go through periods where I'm doing a lot of acting work, I still do standup.
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Everything I do is intended to make people laugh and think. I just think something is funny, it's not hurting anybody, not stabbing anybody, not shooting anybody, not making anybody watch me perform. There are thousands of comedians, don't come see me because it's not like I hide it.
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I wasn't the good looking guy, I wasn't the hot chick, I wasn't the fat guy, I didn't have a catchphrase, I didn't wear a silly hat. I was just trying to improve as a comedian.
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Gilbert Gottfried, I think, is just the most underappreciated comedian in the world. I think that he doesn't get enough credit for how funny he is.
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It was a bizarre existence I led in my early twenties - that cliche of the comedian who goes out and entertains a roomful of people and then goes home to a lonely bedsit was unbelievably poignant for me because that was exactly what I was doing. I had periods of real loneliness.
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My greatest hope was to get discovered as a comedian and get on a sitcom.
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There is a very difficult period in a comedian's career - it's that window of time where you're good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.
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I'm in this for the long haul, I want to be doing this until I die. I am a standup comedian. I know a lot of people say I'm not, but I am.
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I think a comedian has to be low status on some level; that gives you the right to do all sorts of jokes about all sorts of different kinds of people.
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I guess ultimately a lot of comedians just wanna be taken seriously.
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I'm attracted to working with comedians because they don't have that stars' idea of what a hero should be. The downside is they're always addressing the camera too much.
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I spent 25 years as a stand-up comedian.
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Comedians have the ability to feel other emotions.
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In 1987, I was in Edinburgh doing my first one-man show. I took part in a kickabout with some fellow comedians and tripped over my trousers and heard this cracking sound in my leg. A couple of days later I went into a coma and was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism.
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I'm not a comedian. I don't make things funny if they're not funny. I don't invent funny stuff.
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Probably one of the reasons I became a comedian is that you get a chance to control when people laugh at you.
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I try to be careful not to put the cart before the horse. I try not to create comedy for other comedians to like. I want everybody to like it. I want audiences to like it, but I also want comedians to like it. I'm selfish. I want everybody to laugh!
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When they put me in jail, that's when they turned me into an activist. Up until the time I went to jail, I was just a comedian.
