Ass Quotes
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You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."
Jim Gaffigan
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I literally had a very articulate, though highly impaired, homeless man say to me, “Smokey! I love you! What’s happening with Jacob?” Here’s a guy living on the street, but he finds a way to watch Lost! And I’m looking at him, thinking, Your priorities are completely ass-backward!
Titus Welliver
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I detest limitations of any kind, and intend to establish my ass some place where I am a virgin on the police blotter.
William S. Burroughs
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Whether you sniff it smoke it eat it or shove it up your ass the result is the same: addiction.
William S. Burroughs
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I'm a wealthy man now. I've got a flat, a car, I have enough money to buy food. I skate to make the people happy. If somebody skates to earn money, I don't care. I skate for the people. Besides, it's pleasant to supply Russia with gold medals.
Evgeni Plushenko
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My grandmother used to discipline me, I mean, beat my ass, and I deserved them, too.
Richard Pryor
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That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!
Carlos Mencia
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I'm a perfectionist. It's a big pain in the ass and it takes a lot of my time, but it really is going well and I have to do my own things.
George Michael
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I had a professor one time... He said, 'Class, you will forget almost everything I will teach you in here, so please remember this: that God spoke to Balaam through his ass, and He has been speaking through asses ever since. So, if God should choose to speak through you, you need not think too highly of yourself. And, if on meeting someone, right away you recognize what they are, listen to them anyway'.
Rich Mullins
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Don't be a jerk to other comics and don't let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you're going to get somewhere.
Bill Burr
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Once I knew the depth where no hope was and darkness lay on the face of all things. Then love came and set my soul free.
Helen Keller
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[On being overweight:] If I tried to haul ass, I would have to make two trips.
Dolly Parton