Kathy Griffin Quotes
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I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
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(About Joe Jackson) First of all, he's sitting there with the pimp hat, and the tattooed drag queen eyebrows. Like maybe this whole time, he just has a separate drag character that he does at night.........named La Toya!
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I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
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A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
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And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.
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I love my clit. I use it every day. Not a day goes by when I don't use it for something.
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(On William Shatner) He is like my favourite red-faced, bloated booze bag.
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So then, I go to this other guy who's just a civilian guy and minding his own business and I go to him like this 'Burka - NO'! 'Burka - BAD'! Like he's one of my dogs!
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I saw Courtney Love have one of her heroin fits....and break a guitar. So I pulled up a chair. What? You gotta be ring-side!
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I know that Lindsay (Lohan) has lost a lot of weight recently, due to diet, Pilates and crack. Without the diet and Pilates.
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(About gay cruising) My gays had to school me, and they said there's a whole system and a language to the tapping. One tap means you're a top, two means you're a bottom.....I don't know, it's very elaborate. Very elaborate.
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So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.
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Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.
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It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.
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I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.
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Uma Thurman is there.......with her big bag of BS!
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I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
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I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.
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If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
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I am going after everybody. I'm going after Paltrow. Fuck her. Fuck her!
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(About Elisabeth Hasselbeck) Really Hasselbeck, you're gonna throw down with me? I mean, really? If you're gonna come to the play yard, be prepared to fucking play!
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I'm not wearing any pants and the lesbians are waiting!
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So, Hanson, which one of you boys is coming home with me tonight? (greeting the band Hanson)
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And she's like 'Angie Harmon is here'!! So I was like, well let me...well fuck me then and I ran as fast as I could!