Kathy Griffin Quotes
-
I love my clit. I use it every day. Not a day goes by when I don't use it for something.
-
I am going after everybody. I'm going after Paltrow. Fuck her. Fuck her!
-
I know that Lindsay (Lohan) has lost a lot of weight recently, due to diet, Pilates and crack. Without the diet and Pilates.
-
(About Joe Jackson) First of all, he's sitting there with the pimp hat, and the tattooed drag queen eyebrows. Like maybe this whole time, he just has a separate drag character that he does at night.........named La Toya!
-
(About Elisabeth Hasselbeck) Really Hasselbeck, you're gonna throw down with me? I mean, really? If you're gonna come to the play yard, be prepared to fucking play!
-
It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.
-
I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
-
That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.
-
I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
-
(On William Shatner) He is like my favourite red-faced, bloated booze bag.
-
Have I gone too far?
-
People with cancer like to wear jogging suits.
-
And she's like 'Angie Harmon is here'!! So I was like, well let me...well fuck me then and I ran as fast as I could!
-
I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
-
Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.
-
Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.
-
I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.
-
I'm not wearing any pants and the lesbians are waiting!
-
I don't give a fuck who's gay or straight in the Senate. Who cares? But it's always the one that they have all this tape of, saying gay people shouldn't have civil rights, gay people aren't the same, I would never want a gay person......those are always the ones trying to get a headjob at the fucking airport bathroom at the Minneapolis airport!
-
I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.
-
And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.
-
Well, I think that when I perform on the road I always thank the audience for buying a ticket because it's a big deal to buy a ticket for a live entertainment, get a baby-sitter and pay for the meal, the parking, whatever.
-
You know how you get that pre-diarrhoea feeling in your stomach? I'm not saying I shit my pants. But I knew I only had about 90 seconds to play with!
-
So anyway, the show starts, and it's the Army band, and it's all those American 'ra ra' songs, you know that whole 'I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free.' And they eat that shit up!