Kathy Griffin Quotes
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I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
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That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.
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I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
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I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
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I love my clit. I use it every day. Not a day goes by when I don't use it for something.
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(About gay cruising) My gays had to school me, and they said there's a whole system and a language to the tapping. One tap means you're a top, two means you're a bottom.....I don't know, it's very elaborate. Very elaborate.
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Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.
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Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.
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(On William Shatner) He is like my favourite red-faced, bloated booze bag.
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It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.
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Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.
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If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
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I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.
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So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.
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I am going after everybody. I'm going after Paltrow. Fuck her. Fuck her!
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I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
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I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.
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(About Elisabeth Hasselbeck) Really Hasselbeck, you're gonna throw down with me? I mean, really? If you're gonna come to the play yard, be prepared to fucking play!
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And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.
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I saw Courtney Love have one of her heroin fits....and break a guitar. So I pulled up a chair. What? You gotta be ring-side!
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And she's like 'Angie Harmon is here'!! So I was like, well let me...well fuck me then and I ran as fast as I could!
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I'm not wearing any pants and the lesbians are waiting!
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It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.
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So anyway, the show starts, and it's the Army band, and it's all those American 'ra ra' songs, you know that whole 'I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free.' And they eat that shit up!