Kathy Griffin Quotes
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(About Elisabeth Hasselbeck) Really Hasselbeck, you're gonna throw down with me? I mean, really? If you're gonna come to the play yard, be prepared to fucking play!
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I am going after everybody. I'm going after Paltrow. Fuck her. Fuck her!
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It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.
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I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
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(About Joe Jackson) First of all, he's sitting there with the pimp hat, and the tattooed drag queen eyebrows. Like maybe this whole time, he just has a separate drag character that he does at night.........named La Toya!
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I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
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Uma Thurman is there.......with her big bag of BS!
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That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.
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Have I gone too far?
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Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.
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And she's like 'Angie Harmon is here'!! So I was like, well let me...well fuck me then and I ran as fast as I could!
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(On William Shatner) He is like my favourite red-faced, bloated booze bag.
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I know that Lindsay (Lohan) has lost a lot of weight recently, due to diet, Pilates and crack. Without the diet and Pilates.
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Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.
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I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.
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I'm not wearing any pants and the lesbians are waiting!
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I don't give a fuck who's gay or straight in the Senate. Who cares? But it's always the one that they have all this tape of, saying gay people shouldn't have civil rights, gay people aren't the same, I would never want a gay person......those are always the ones trying to get a headjob at the fucking airport bathroom at the Minneapolis airport!
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You know how you get that pre-diarrhoea feeling in your stomach? I'm not saying I shit my pants. But I knew I only had about 90 seconds to play with!
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I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
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So anyway, the show starts, and it's the Army band, and it's all those American 'ra ra' songs, you know that whole 'I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free.' And they eat that shit up!
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I do road gigs occasionally but I don't want to go out on the road for months at a time.
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People with cancer like to wear jogging suits.
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And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.
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(About gay cruising) My gays had to school me, and they said there's a whole system and a language to the tapping. One tap means you're a top, two means you're a bottom.....I don't know, it's very elaborate. Very elaborate.