Kathy Griffin Quotes
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Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.
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So then, I go to this other guy who's just a civilian guy and minding his own business and I go to him like this 'Burka - NO'! 'Burka - BAD'! Like he's one of my dogs!
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I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
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So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.
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If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
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People with cancer like to wear jogging suits.
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Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.
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(On William Shatner) He is like my favourite red-faced, bloated booze bag.
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(About Elisabeth Hasselbeck) Really Hasselbeck, you're gonna throw down with me? I mean, really? If you're gonna come to the play yard, be prepared to fucking play!
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I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.
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It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.
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And she's like 'Angie Harmon is here'!! So I was like, well let me...well fuck me then and I ran as fast as I could!
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That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.
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I am going after everybody. I'm going after Paltrow. Fuck her. Fuck her!
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Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.
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Have I gone too far?
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(About gay cruising) My gays had to school me, and they said there's a whole system and a language to the tapping. One tap means you're a top, two means you're a bottom.....I don't know, it's very elaborate. Very elaborate.
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I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
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I'm not wearing any pants and the lesbians are waiting!
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And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.
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I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.
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You know how you get that pre-diarrhoea feeling in your stomach? I'm not saying I shit my pants. But I knew I only had about 90 seconds to play with!
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I don't give a fuck who's gay or straight in the Senate. Who cares? But it's always the one that they have all this tape of, saying gay people shouldn't have civil rights, gay people aren't the same, I would never want a gay person......those are always the ones trying to get a headjob at the fucking airport bathroom at the Minneapolis airport!
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I saw Courtney Love have one of her heroin fits....and break a guitar. So I pulled up a chair. What? You gotta be ring-side!