Kathy Griffin Quotes
-
I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
-
So then, I go to this other guy who's just a civilian guy and minding his own business and I go to him like this 'Burka - NO'! 'Burka - BAD'! Like he's one of my dogs!
-
Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.
-
(About gay cruising) My gays had to school me, and they said there's a whole system and a language to the tapping. One tap means you're a top, two means you're a bottom.....I don't know, it's very elaborate. Very elaborate.
-
I love my clit. I use it every day. Not a day goes by when I don't use it for something.
-
It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.
-
Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.
-
Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.
-
(On William Shatner) He is like my favourite red-faced, bloated booze bag.
-
I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
-
Uma Thurman is there.......with her big bag of BS!
-
I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
-
So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.
-
I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.
-
And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.
-
I am going after everybody. I'm going after Paltrow. Fuck her. Fuck her!
-
I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.
-
If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
-
(About Elisabeth Hasselbeck) Really Hasselbeck, you're gonna throw down with me? I mean, really? If you're gonna come to the play yard, be prepared to fucking play!
-
I saw Courtney Love have one of her heroin fits....and break a guitar. So I pulled up a chair. What? You gotta be ring-side!
-
It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.
-
And she's like 'Angie Harmon is here'!! So I was like, well let me...well fuck me then and I ran as fast as I could!
-
I'm not wearing any pants and the lesbians are waiting!
-
I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.