Kathy Griffin Quotes
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That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.
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As someone who was raised Catholic, and went to St Bernadine's; don't pull your Catholic kid-fucker bullshit with me, motherfuckers! I'm not scared of you. And I'm not havin it!
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Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part.
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I'm not somebody who no matter where I go there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
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The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.
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Alright, Macy Gray.....what exactly is wrong with her? She, for sure has a little mental retardation. Allegedly!
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I guess the contortionists are cool right, very impressive, they're doing stuff we can't do. But for me, once you see the gay guy bend over and fuck himself, I'm done!
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If you have not seen the Celine Dion Vegas show, tomorrow, get a plane ticket, go to Vegas... it is the biggest freak show you will ever see! It's Cirque De Celine.
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I have a no-apology policy.
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(About Oprah Winfrey) She's very thin now, she's very cranky.....and very hungry!
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Straight guys, this is your section, wake up (clap clap).
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The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.
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When Clay Aiken comes to your town - GO! It is a spectacle. It is the gayest thing I have ever seen! Organisers of the Pride Fest in San Francisco are like 'We're fucked'!
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I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
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Have I gone too far?
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The 2007 Emmy Awards were a little too Cirque de Seacrest. I shouldn't say that about Ryan, she's a very good hostess.
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I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
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I saw Courtney Love have one of her heroin fits....and break a guitar. So I pulled up a chair. What? You gotta be ring-side!
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That's life when you're on the D-list.
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And then she (Brooke Sheilds) says the ill-fated words 'You have to put this in your act'. And I said 'What, I would never'! Because it's a private time!!
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The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.
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She calls me up and says 'Guess what - we're going to the Persian Gulf for Christmas'. Immediately I put my hands over my clitoris. I don't want to insult the Muslim culture. It's such a wonderful culture for women - unless you have a clitoris and you're 13 cause they're hacking that shit off!
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It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.
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And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.