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I have a no-apology policy.
Kathy Griffin -
And then she (Brooke Sheilds) says the ill-fated words 'You have to put this in your act'. And I said 'What, I would never'! Because it's a private time!!
Kathy Griffin
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Cause you know my joke is that I love her (Oprah Winfrey) but she thinks she's Jesus? And when she gets a paper cut she's like 'Oh, stigmata?'. No, Oprah. Get off the cross and do your show!
Kathy Griffin -
I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.
Kathy Griffin -
The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.
Kathy Griffin -
I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.
Kathy Griffin -
She calls me up and says 'Guess what - we're going to the Persian Gulf for Christmas'. Immediately I put my hands over my clitoris. I don't want to insult the Muslim culture. It's such a wonderful culture for women - unless you have a clitoris and you're 13 cause they're hacking that shit off!
Kathy Griffin -
The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.
Kathy Griffin
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Let's just say I'm gonna be so politically incorrect, you might even get sued for being in the audience.
Kathy Griffin -
I was in the Oak Park theatre group. But we never had $90 000 to take an ad out! We were lucky if we had money for the glitter for the fucking poster!
Kathy Griffin -
The 2007 Emmy Awards were a little too Cirque de Seacrest. I shouldn't say that about Ryan, she's a very good hostess.
Kathy Griffin -
I'm basically always on tour.
Kathy Griffin -
This thing that's really weird about Seacrest is that he's super into grooming. He gets mani-pedi's. He gets his eyelashes dyed. He goes to Mystic Tan, he flat-irons his hair. Very butch. Very typical of straight men!
Kathy Griffin -
I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!
Kathy Griffin
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I love to work. I love doing standup.
Kathy Griffin -
Apparently, Courtney Love was at Whitney's 'intervention'. And when Courtney Love is telling you, you're hittin the pipe too hard, well, things are bad! They're really bad!
Kathy Griffin -
That's life when you're on the D-list.
Kathy Griffin -
I was raised right, I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners!
Kathy Griffin -
So then, she looks at Brooke (Shields)'s Dad with his newer wife, and she's like 'So, now you're with my ex-husband. Well, congratulations, you can have him'! It was fucking on!!
Kathy Griffin -
I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.
Kathy Griffin
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I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
Kathy Griffin -
(After Houston asks the audience in Central Park to sing along to a new, un-aired song) And the poor gays with the signs are like 'We don't know that song yet....it's not even (on the radio)...go Diva....I mean, we don't know that song. I would like to...I don't...??'
Kathy Griffin -
I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
Kathy Griffin -
I'm gonna be so hot, I'm gonna fuck myself!
Kathy Griffin