Kathy Griffin Quotes
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I was raised right, I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners!
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I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.
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I'm gonna be so hot, I'm gonna fuck myself!
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But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
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I am an outsider looking in, absolutely. You're not going to see me at the Academy Awards 'Vanity Fair' party any time soon. I'm not somebody who, no matter where I go, there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world, and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
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That's life when you're on the D-list.
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I'm basically always on tour.
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I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
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There were two cheerleaders, and their job was to basically go out in skimpy outfits and say hi to the guys........and some of the ladies, if you know what I'm saying.
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I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.
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I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
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To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
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I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
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(About Joe Jackson) First of all, he's sitting there with the pimp hat, and the tattooed drag queen eyebrows. Like maybe this whole time, he just has a separate drag character that he does at night.........named La Toya!
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Uma Thurman is there.......with her big bag of BS!
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Do you know why I'm thin? Because I'm hungry ALL the time!
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A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
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So then, I go to this other guy who's just a civilian guy and minding his own business and I go to him like this 'Burka - NO'! 'Burka - BAD'! Like he's one of my dogs!
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When Sharon Stone asks you to do something, you just just do it. If Sharon Stone asked me to eat her poo, I'd be like 'yeah, what's a good time for you?'.(Pretending to eat poo) 'This is really good poo Sharon, thanks'.(To the audience) Stop picturing it...........and come back!
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If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
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I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
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Everytime she walks out (on stage), she acts like she's shocked anyone showed up! Every night! As if every single day, at about 3 o'clock, she's like, 'You know Rene, maybe tonight iz ze night zey do not come?'
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I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
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Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.