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Straight guys, this is your section, wake up (clap clap).
Kathy Griffin -
I grew up in Chicago and was a huge fan of 'The Second City', so when I moved to L.A., I was looking for anything that resembled that... then I started 'The Groundlings', so I went to a show and it was very much like 'Second City'. I was so impressed that that same night I went backstage and I went up to the funniest person there.
Kathy Griffin
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A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
Kathy Griffin -
Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.
Kathy Griffin -
But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
Kathy Griffin -
If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
Kathy Griffin -
I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
Kathy Griffin -
There were two cheerleaders, and their job was to basically go out in skimpy outfits and say hi to the guys........and some of the ladies, if you know what I'm saying.
Kathy Griffin
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Do you know why I'm thin? Because I'm hungry ALL the time!
Kathy Griffin -
I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.
Kathy Griffin -
To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
Kathy Griffin -
So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.
Kathy Griffin -
I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
Kathy Griffin -
So then, I go to this other guy who's just a civilian guy and minding his own business and I go to him like this 'Burka - NO'! 'Burka - BAD'! Like he's one of my dogs!
Kathy Griffin
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When Sharon Stone asks you to do something, you just just do it. If Sharon Stone asked me to eat her poo, I'd be like 'yeah, what's a good time for you?'.(Pretending to eat poo) 'This is really good poo Sharon, thanks'.(To the audience) Stop picturing it...........and come back!
Kathy Griffin -
(About Joe Jackson) First of all, he's sitting there with the pimp hat, and the tattooed drag queen eyebrows. Like maybe this whole time, he just has a separate drag character that he does at night.........named La Toya!
Kathy Griffin -
I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
Kathy Griffin -
I love my clit. I use it every day. Not a day goes by when I don't use it for something.
Kathy Griffin -
Everytime she walks out (on stage), she acts like she's shocked anyone showed up! Every night! As if every single day, at about 3 o'clock, she's like, 'You know Rene, maybe tonight iz ze night zey do not come?'
Kathy Griffin -
(About Elisabeth Hasselbeck) Really Hasselbeck, you're gonna throw down with me? I mean, really? If you're gonna come to the play yard, be prepared to fucking play!
Kathy Griffin
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I am going after everybody. I'm going after Paltrow. Fuck her. Fuck her!
Kathy Griffin -
I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.
Kathy Griffin -
Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.
Kathy Griffin -
And she's like 'Angie Harmon is here'!! So I was like, well let me...well fuck me then and I ran as fast as I could!
Kathy Griffin