Kathy Griffin Quotes
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I'm gonna be so hot, I'm gonna fuck myself!
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I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.
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(After Houston asks the audience in Central Park to sing along to a new, un-aired song) And the poor gays with the signs are like 'We don't know that song yet....it's not even (on the radio)...go Diva....I mean, we don't know that song. I would like to...I don't...??'
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I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
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Apparently, Courtney Love was at Whitney's 'intervention'. And when Courtney Love is telling you, you're hittin the pipe too hard, well, things are bad! They're really bad!
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Everytime she walks out (on stage), she acts like she's shocked anyone showed up! Every night! As if every single day, at about 3 o'clock, she's like, 'You know Rene, maybe tonight iz ze night zey do not come?'
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But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
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To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
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I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.
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I am an outsider looking in, absolutely. You're not going to see me at the Academy Awards 'Vanity Fair' party any time soon. I'm not somebody who, no matter where I go, there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world, and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
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I'm basically always on tour.
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I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
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Have I gone too far?
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Do you know why I'm thin? Because I'm hungry ALL the time!
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When Sharon Stone asks you to do something, you just just do it. If Sharon Stone asked me to eat her poo, I'd be like 'yeah, what's a good time for you?'.(Pretending to eat poo) 'This is really good poo Sharon, thanks'.(To the audience) Stop picturing it...........and come back!
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That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.
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I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
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I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.
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There were two cheerleaders, and their job was to basically go out in skimpy outfits and say hi to the guys........and some of the ladies, if you know what I'm saying.
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People with cancer like to wear jogging suits.
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I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
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(About Joe Jackson) First of all, he's sitting there with the pimp hat, and the tattooed drag queen eyebrows. Like maybe this whole time, he just has a separate drag character that he does at night.........named La Toya!
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A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
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I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.