Kathy Griffin Quotes
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Apparently, Courtney Love was at Whitney's 'intervention'. And when Courtney Love is telling you, you're hittin the pipe too hard, well, things are bad! They're really bad!
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I was in the Oak Park theatre group. But we never had $90 000 to take an ad out! We were lucky if we had money for the glitter for the fucking poster!
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I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.
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And then she (Brooke Sheilds) says the ill-fated words 'You have to put this in your act'. And I said 'What, I would never'! Because it's a private time!!
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I'm basically always on tour.
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I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!
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I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
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I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.
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And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.
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I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.
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(After Houston asks the audience in Central Park to sing along to a new, un-aired song) And the poor gays with the signs are like 'We don't know that song yet....it's not even (on the radio)...go Diva....I mean, we don't know that song. I would like to...I don't...??'
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But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
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I am an outsider looking in, absolutely. You're not going to see me at the Academy Awards 'Vanity Fair' party any time soon. I'm not somebody who, no matter where I go, there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world, and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
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Have I gone too far?
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When Sharon Stone asks you to do something, you just just do it. If Sharon Stone asked me to eat her poo, I'd be like 'yeah, what's a good time for you?'.(Pretending to eat poo) 'This is really good poo Sharon, thanks'.(To the audience) Stop picturing it...........and come back!
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Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.
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I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
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I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
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I saw Courtney Love have one of her heroin fits....and break a guitar. So I pulled up a chair. What? You gotta be ring-side!
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I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
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I love my clit. I use it every day. Not a day goes by when I don't use it for something.
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People with cancer like to wear jogging suits.
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To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
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Everytime she walks out (on stage), she acts like she's shocked anyone showed up! Every night! As if every single day, at about 3 o'clock, she's like, 'You know Rene, maybe tonight iz ze night zey do not come?'