Kathy Griffin Quotes
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That's life when you're on the D-list.
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But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
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I'm gonna be so hot, I'm gonna fuck myself!
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Straight guys, this is your section, wake up (clap clap).
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I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.
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I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
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There were two cheerleaders, and their job was to basically go out in skimpy outfits and say hi to the guys........and some of the ladies, if you know what I'm saying.
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I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
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A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
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You'll have to excuse my friend, Ryan. That's the first time he's ever touched a woman.
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Huh, guess ah shouldn't huh did it. (imitating Britney's 55-hour husband Jason Allen Alexander) Come on, Mr. Britney. Grammar, grammar.
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I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
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I am an outsider looking in, absolutely. You're not going to see me at the Academy Awards 'Vanity Fair' party any time soon. I'm not somebody who, no matter where I go, there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world, and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
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Do you know why I'm thin? Because I'm hungry ALL the time!
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If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
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When Sharon Stone asks you to do something, you just just do it. If Sharon Stone asked me to eat her poo, I'd be like 'yeah, what's a good time for you?'.(Pretending to eat poo) 'This is really good poo Sharon, thanks'.(To the audience) Stop picturing it...........and come back!
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I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
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To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
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Everytime she walks out (on stage), she acts like she's shocked anyone showed up! Every night! As if every single day, at about 3 o'clock, she's like, 'You know Rene, maybe tonight iz ze night zey do not come?'
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So then, I go to this other guy who's just a civilian guy and minding his own business and I go to him like this 'Burka - NO'! 'Burka - BAD'! Like he's one of my dogs!
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I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.
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So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.
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Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.
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(About Elisabeth Hasselbeck) Really Hasselbeck, you're gonna throw down with me? I mean, really? If you're gonna come to the play yard, be prepared to fucking play!