Kathy Griffin Quotes
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Alright, Macy Gray.....what exactly is wrong with her? She, for sure has a little mental retardation. Allegedly!
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I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!
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I'm gonna be so hot, I'm gonna fuck myself!
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But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
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I'm basically always on tour.
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That's life when you're on the D-list.
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I am an outsider looking in, absolutely. You're not going to see me at the Academy Awards 'Vanity Fair' party any time soon. I'm not somebody who, no matter where I go, there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world, and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
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I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.
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I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
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There were two cheerleaders, and their job was to basically go out in skimpy outfits and say hi to the guys........and some of the ladies, if you know what I'm saying.
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I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
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I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
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A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
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Do you know why I'm thin? Because I'm hungry ALL the time!
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When Sharon Stone asks you to do something, you just just do it. If Sharon Stone asked me to eat her poo, I'd be like 'yeah, what's a good time for you?'.(Pretending to eat poo) 'This is really good poo Sharon, thanks'.(To the audience) Stop picturing it...........and come back!
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To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
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Uma Thurman is there.......with her big bag of BS!
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If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
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Everytime she walks out (on stage), she acts like she's shocked anyone showed up! Every night! As if every single day, at about 3 o'clock, she's like, 'You know Rene, maybe tonight iz ze night zey do not come?'
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Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.
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I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
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So then, I go to this other guy who's just a civilian guy and minding his own business and I go to him like this 'Burka - NO'! 'Burka - BAD'! Like he's one of my dogs!
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I love my clit. I use it every day. Not a day goes by when I don't use it for something.
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So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.