Kathy Griffin Quotes
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I grew up in Chicago and was a huge fan of 'The Second City', so when I moved to L.A., I was looking for anything that resembled that... then I started 'The Groundlings', so I went to a show and it was very much like 'Second City'. I was so impressed that that same night I went backstage and I went up to the funniest person there.
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I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.
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I'm gonna be so hot, I'm gonna fuck myself!
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But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
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That's life when you're on the D-list.
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I am an outsider looking in, absolutely. You're not going to see me at the Academy Awards 'Vanity Fair' party any time soon. I'm not somebody who, no matter where I go, there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world, and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
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I'm basically always on tour.
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To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
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There were two cheerleaders, and their job was to basically go out in skimpy outfits and say hi to the guys........and some of the ladies, if you know what I'm saying.
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I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
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I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.
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I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
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(About Joe Jackson) First of all, he's sitting there with the pimp hat, and the tattooed drag queen eyebrows. Like maybe this whole time, he just has a separate drag character that he does at night.........named La Toya!
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Uma Thurman is there.......with her big bag of BS!
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I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
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Do you know why I'm thin? Because I'm hungry ALL the time!
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A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
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When Sharon Stone asks you to do something, you just just do it. If Sharon Stone asked me to eat her poo, I'd be like 'yeah, what's a good time for you?'.(Pretending to eat poo) 'This is really good poo Sharon, thanks'.(To the audience) Stop picturing it...........and come back!
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So then, I go to this other guy who's just a civilian guy and minding his own business and I go to him like this 'Burka - NO'! 'Burka - BAD'! Like he's one of my dogs!
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Everytime she walks out (on stage), she acts like she's shocked anyone showed up! Every night! As if every single day, at about 3 o'clock, she's like, 'You know Rene, maybe tonight iz ze night zey do not come?'
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I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
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I know that Lindsay (Lohan) has lost a lot of weight recently, due to diet, Pilates and crack. Without the diet and Pilates.
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I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
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Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.