Kathy Griffin Quotes
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(After Houston asks the audience in Central Park to sing along to a new, un-aired song) And the poor gays with the signs are like 'We don't know that song yet....it's not even (on the radio)...go Diva....I mean, we don't know that song. I would like to...I don't...??'
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Apparently, Courtney Love was at Whitney's 'intervention'. And when Courtney Love is telling you, you're hittin the pipe too hard, well, things are bad! They're really bad!
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I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.
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I'm gonna be so hot, I'm gonna fuck myself!
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But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
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To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
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Everytime she walks out (on stage), she acts like she's shocked anyone showed up! Every night! As if every single day, at about 3 o'clock, she's like, 'You know Rene, maybe tonight iz ze night zey do not come?'
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I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
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I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.
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Do you know why I'm thin? Because I'm hungry ALL the time!
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There were two cheerleaders, and their job was to basically go out in skimpy outfits and say hi to the guys........and some of the ladies, if you know what I'm saying.
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I'm basically always on tour.
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I am an outsider looking in, absolutely. You're not going to see me at the Academy Awards 'Vanity Fair' party any time soon. I'm not somebody who, no matter where I go, there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world, and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
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(About Joe Jackson) First of all, he's sitting there with the pimp hat, and the tattooed drag queen eyebrows. Like maybe this whole time, he just has a separate drag character that he does at night.........named La Toya!
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When Sharon Stone asks you to do something, you just just do it. If Sharon Stone asked me to eat her poo, I'd be like 'yeah, what's a good time for you?'.(Pretending to eat poo) 'This is really good poo Sharon, thanks'.(To the audience) Stop picturing it...........and come back!
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I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
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I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
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I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.
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I know that Lindsay (Lohan) has lost a lot of weight recently, due to diet, Pilates and crack. Without the diet and Pilates.
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A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
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People with cancer like to wear jogging suits.
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Uma Thurman is there.......with her big bag of BS!
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So then, I go to this other guy who's just a civilian guy and minding his own business and I go to him like this 'Burka - NO'! 'Burka - BAD'! Like he's one of my dogs!
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I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.