Daniel Tosh Quotes
I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.
Quotes to Explore
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If I can't drive my old pickup to wherever I'm going, well, chances are good that I just won't go.
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When things happen - you ask yourself why today, why not tomorrow, why not yesterday? That's the most amazing thing about time.
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I don't want to miss out on the chance of having a good time.
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Yes, I mean, I used to be into the big bulk thing, and that's why my legs look like those of a cyclist instead of a shooter's, but I think there is a point to where too much is not a good thing. I think I try to lower my center of gravity by doing a lot of legs.
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Good fiction is about asserting the beauties of the world, inventing a new, positive thing. Where am I going to get that? And it should be original; it should not be cliched. So the way I looked at history was not to accuse it of failure.
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It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.'
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I'm planning to be here forever, but I know at some point I'll probably have to give it up. If you live to 100, there's a very good chance you'll live forever. Because very few people die after 100.
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A good school teaches you resilience - that ability to bounce back.
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I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're laughing.
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Do what you really want to do. That's why God put you on this earth.
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The hype man's job is to get everybody out of their seats and on the dance floor to have a good time.
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I always felt like I'm a good one-on-one defensive player.
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Ninety per cent of how you learn is watching great people. When you are surrounded by good actors it lifts your performance.
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Mike Tyson would have been a good sparring partner for me and Muhammad Ali because Tyson was a fast fighter and he could punch and throw good combinations.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.
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What do you think will happen in a forced marriage? With an uneducated man, an animal. What would I say, that I am already married? Why would I say it? I never accepted him as my husband in my heart or mind. How I spent a year and a half with him, only I know. And I only did it because of the child.
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People of small caliber are always carping. They are bent on showing their own superiority, their knowledge or prowess or good breeding.
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American fiction is good. It would be nice if somebody read it.
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It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
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There's nothing cooler than a good fitting, worn-in pair of Wrangler jeans, so it's great that with the new Retro line, my fans can go out and rock the same styles that I love.
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The big secret in life is there is no secret. Whatever your goal. You can get there if you're willing to work.
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The Hoosier way is quite simple - we work hard, and we live within our means.
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I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.
