Jerry Coleman Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers.
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What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and work on it and see how people react. You don't need Standards & Practices or notes from lawyers or producers to tell you what's funny.
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I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.
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I found out early in life that I could hit a baseball farther than most players, and that's what I tried to do.
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It may sound funny, but it's true: I tried to put myself through the 12-step program. I didn't want to attend a real meeting; my role didn't really require that, and I feel those meetings are sort of sacred, and they're anonymous for a reason. I tried to deal with some of my love of snacks - and I relapsed a lot.
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I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Don't I have the numbers to be inducted?
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
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I think anyone who behaves boorishly but without a good sense of humor is not as fun to watch.
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Playing baseball is fun. If I could play, I'd never retire. But managing is work. It's constant decisions of whose feelings you want to hurt all the time.
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The thing I like about baseball is that it's one-on-one. You stand up there alone, and if you make a mistake, it's your mistake. If you hit a home run, it's your home run.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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Half of the great comedians I've had in my shows and that I paid a lot of money to and who made my customers shriek were not only not funny to me, but I couldn't understand why they were funny to anybody.
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Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.
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I like children - fried.
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I lived the baseball life as a kid, with my dad in it. And I lived the baseball life as an adult, because I was in it. When I retired, I wanted the opportunity to be a little bit more flexible and home-based for my kids.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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When you are away from the game and busy with other areas, you realize that the world does not revolve around baseball.
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The black press, some liberal sportswriters, and even a few politicians were banging away at those Jim Crow barriers in baseball. I never expected the walls to come tumbling down in my lifetime.
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Isn't it funny how we live inside the lies we believe?
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When he hit it, I knew that it was my ball. But I had to catch it and it seemed like the hardest catch of my life. I said to myself, 'Two hands, just like your dad taught you.'
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I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.
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Stopping Vieques bombing range good; sooner is better.
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Working with Justin Bieber, I learned that he can literally do any genre - he's a chameleon. His voice is so flexible that he's not locked in to one genre, and it just shows the world that he can really sing anything.
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Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.
