Jerry Coleman Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers.
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What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and work on it and see how people react. You don't need Standards & Practices or notes from lawyers or producers to tell you what's funny.
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I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.
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I found out early in life that I could hit a baseball farther than most players, and that's what I tried to do.
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It may sound funny, but it's true: I tried to put myself through the 12-step program. I didn't want to attend a real meeting; my role didn't really require that, and I feel those meetings are sort of sacred, and they're anonymous for a reason. I tried to deal with some of my love of snacks - and I relapsed a lot.
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I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Don't I have the numbers to be inducted?
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
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I think anyone who behaves boorishly but without a good sense of humor is not as fun to watch.
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Playing baseball is fun. If I could play, I'd never retire. But managing is work. It's constant decisions of whose feelings you want to hurt all the time.
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The thing I like about baseball is that it's one-on-one. You stand up there alone, and if you make a mistake, it's your mistake. If you hit a home run, it's your home run.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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Half of the great comedians I've had in my shows and that I paid a lot of money to and who made my customers shriek were not only not funny to me, but I couldn't understand why they were funny to anybody.
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Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.
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I like children - fried.
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I lived the baseball life as a kid, with my dad in it. And I lived the baseball life as an adult, because I was in it. When I retired, I wanted the opportunity to be a little bit more flexible and home-based for my kids.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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When you are away from the game and busy with other areas, you realize that the world does not revolve around baseball.
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The black press, some liberal sportswriters, and even a few politicians were banging away at those Jim Crow barriers in baseball. I never expected the walls to come tumbling down in my lifetime.
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Everybody's funny if you love them.
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I want to be known as the mayor who happens to be Latino who made a difference. I ran to make a difference.
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It's important for automated cars to be able to drive in a human-like fashion - and that does mean adapting to the driving patterns around you.
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Nobody could like Donald Trump, surely, except his mother. No one really likes The Donald. But how can you not have respect for a guy who's been down on the floor and just keeps coming back? Nothing will keep Donald Trump down until they drive a wooden stake in his heart and a silver bullet in his brain.
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That's another great thing about getting older. Your life is written on your face.
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Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.
