Jim Gaffigan Quotes
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
Quotes to Explore
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With the changing economy, no one has lifetime employment. But community colleges provide lifetime employability.
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If you want to put golf back on the front pages again, and you don't have a Bobby Jones or a Francis Ouimet handy, here's what you do: You send an aging Jack Nicklaus out in the last round of the Masters and let him kill more foreigners than a general named Eisenhower.
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I'm not going to just say nice things about everybody unless I mean it.
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I think everyone in the heptathlon is improving together, so it is a very hard event to compete in.
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I never try to follow a trend or fashion.
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Look at Jessica Simpson. She's famous for being dumb. I guess it started with Marylyn Monroe, and she actually wasn't that dumb, but that's how she was perceived - and that's what got popular.
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If you are talking about terrorism, you need to sit down and understand what is making these people put dynamite around their waists and blow themselves up.
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I can't read novels while I'm writing a novel, because somebody's voice creeps in.
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When men are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.
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If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
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Normally I don't watch myself, because I'm not very objective.
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I feel some need to represent where I'm from. But ultimately, I think my only real responsibility is to - as much as possible - interrogate my own truths. This is to say not merely writing what I think is true, but using the writing to turn that alleged truth over and over, to stress-test it, in the aim of producing something readable.
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A bicycle has transformed my experience of London.
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I was only 23 and just out of college when I filmed 'Casualty' and so nervous, but it was brilliant fun. I was really lucky, and it really helped my career.
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The actors in 'Eight Men Out' really know how to play, and the background athletes are all professionals.
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When it was over my daughter said, 'Oh, I felt so sorry for him - he didn't want to hurt you, he liked you.' That was Victoria. When you visualize him up there on top of the Empire State Building, you do feel sorry for him.
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People aren't autonomous creatures. They're under a lot of pressure themselves.
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I have a whole area in my closet for displaying shoes. They are in rows. But nobody comes in my closet, so they are only on display for me. It's pretty spectacular.
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I'm not an idiot: I know that I can sing and I know that I can act.
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As a model, we come in the room, and we are casted just on our looks. I think I'm funny; I think I'm clever. But in the end, they're picking me for my cheekbones or if I'm tall enough.
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My first job was working in a dress shop in Los Angeles in 1940, for $7 a week.
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Reading [John] Calvin is a breath of fresh air.
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Mediocrity's like a spot on a shirt—it never comes off.
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For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
