Jim Gaffigan Quotes
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
Quotes to Explore
-
With the changing economy, no one has lifetime employment. But community colleges provide lifetime employability.
-
If you want to put golf back on the front pages again, and you don't have a Bobby Jones or a Francis Ouimet handy, here's what you do: You send an aging Jack Nicklaus out in the last round of the Masters and let him kill more foreigners than a general named Eisenhower.
-
I'm not going to just say nice things about everybody unless I mean it.
-
I think everyone in the heptathlon is improving together, so it is a very hard event to compete in.
-
I never try to follow a trend or fashion.
-
Look at Jessica Simpson. She's famous for being dumb. I guess it started with Marylyn Monroe, and she actually wasn't that dumb, but that's how she was perceived - and that's what got popular.
-
If you are talking about terrorism, you need to sit down and understand what is making these people put dynamite around their waists and blow themselves up.
-
I can't read novels while I'm writing a novel, because somebody's voice creeps in.
-
When men are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.
-
If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
-
Normally I don't watch myself, because I'm not very objective.
-
I feel some need to represent where I'm from. But ultimately, I think my only real responsibility is to - as much as possible - interrogate my own truths. This is to say not merely writing what I think is true, but using the writing to turn that alleged truth over and over, to stress-test it, in the aim of producing something readable.
-
A bicycle has transformed my experience of London.
-
I was only 23 and just out of college when I filmed 'Casualty' and so nervous, but it was brilliant fun. I was really lucky, and it really helped my career.
-
The actors in 'Eight Men Out' really know how to play, and the background athletes are all professionals.
-
When it was over my daughter said, 'Oh, I felt so sorry for him - he didn't want to hurt you, he liked you.' That was Victoria. When you visualize him up there on top of the Empire State Building, you do feel sorry for him.
-
People aren't autonomous creatures. They're under a lot of pressure themselves.
-
I have a whole area in my closet for displaying shoes. They are in rows. But nobody comes in my closet, so they are only on display for me. It's pretty spectacular.
-
Why do we do basic research? To learn about ourselves.
-
All that Rent the Runway has really done is we've opened up the technology and logistics to make it possible to have the customer decide how long she needs an article of clothing for.
-
The truth is you can have a great marriage, but there are still no guarantees.
-
Man needs his difficulties because they are necessary to enjoy success.
-
Tyranny will make an entire population into readers of poetry.
-
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
