Jim Gaffigan Quotes

For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.

Jim Gaffigan

• Funny
• Comedy
• Listening
• Audience
• Humor

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Quotes to Explore

• With the changing economy, no one has lifetime employment. But community colleges provide lifetime employability.

  

  Barack Obama
  • Community
  • Changing

• If you want to put golf back on the front pages again, and you don't have a Bobby Jones or a Francis Ouimet handy, here's what you do: You send an aging Jack Nicklaus out in the last round of the Masters and let him kill more foreigners than a general named Eisenhower.

  

  Dan Jenkins
  • Want
  • Golf
  • Aging

• I think everyone in the heptathlon is improving together, so it is a very hard event to compete in.

  

  Katarina Johnson-Thompson
  • Together
  • Think
  • Everyone

• I never try to follow a trend or fashion.

  

  Victoria Beckham Spice Girls
  • Fashion
  • Never
  • Try

• Look at Jessica Simpson. She's famous for being dumb. I guess it started with Marylyn Monroe, and she actually wasn't that dumb, but that's how she was perceived - and that's what got popular.

  

  Danica McKellar
  • She
  • Famous
  • Popular

• If you are talking about terrorism, you need to sit down and understand what is making these people put dynamite around their waists and blow themselves up.

  

  Lakhdar Brahimi
  • People
  • Up
  • Down

• I can't read novels while I'm writing a novel, because somebody's voice creeps in.

  

  T. C. Boyle
  • Writing
  • Voice
  • Because

• When men are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.

  

  Randy Pausch
  • Men
  • Attention
  • Simple

• If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

  

  Oscar Wilde
  • Life
  • Long
  • Wait

• I feel some need to represent where I'm from. But ultimately, I think my only real responsibility is to - as much as possible - interrogate my own truths. This is to say not merely writing what I think is true, but using the writing to turn that alleged truth over and over, to stress-test it, in the aim of producing something readable.

  

  Ta-Nehisi Coates
  • Writing
  • Real
  • Truth

• A bicycle has transformed my experience of London.

  

  Iain Glen
  • Experience
  • London
  • Bicycle

• I was only 23 and just out of college when I filmed 'Casualty' and so nervous, but it was brilliant fun. I was really lucky, and it really helped my career.

  

  Laura Donnelly
  • Fun
  • Career
  • College

• The actors in 'Eight Men Out' really know how to play, and the background athletes are all professionals.

  

  D. B. Sweeney
  • Men
  • Know
  • Play

• When it was over my daughter said, 'Oh, I felt so sorry for him - he didn't want to hurt you, he liked you.' That was Victoria. When you visualize him up there on top of the Empire State Building, you do feel sorry for him.

  

  Fay Wray
  • Up
  • Hurt
  • Daughter

• People aren't autonomous creatures. They're under a lot of pressure themselves.

  

  Larry Wilmore
  • People
  • Pressure
  • Autonomous

• I have a whole area in my closet for displaying shoes. They are in rows. But nobody comes in my closet, so they are only on display for me. It's pretty spectacular.

  

  Laura Marano
  • Pretty
  • Me
  • Nobody

• I say 'no' to nothing, 'yes' to moderation. That's how I approach everything. No matter if it's candy or foie gras. When you have the real deal, you're satisfied with that one bite. I say go full throttle and call it a day.

  

  Carla Hall
  • Real
  • You
  • Day

• I didn't get anything published until I was thirty-three, and yet I'd written five novels and six or seven plays. The plays, I should point out, were dreadful.

  

  Edmund White
  • Point
  • Novels
  • Seven

• You just have to keep at it and budget yourself; be prudent. It's art, so you really don't go into it to make a zillion dollars, but there's definitely bills to pay, and I want everyone in the band to have a salary and whatever they need.

  

  Cynthia Leigh Wilson The B-52s
  • Band
  • Budget
  • Bills

• When human judgment and big data intersect there are some funny things that happen.

  

  Nate Silver
  • Funny
  • Human
  • Data

• Oftentimes, people stay where they are in life simply because of fear. But do you know that fear isn't reality? It's only a thought in your mind.

  

  Victoria Osteen
  • People
  • Life
  • Mind

• All things in the natural world symbolize God, yet none of them speak of him but in broken and imperfect words. High above all he sits, sublimer than mountains, grander than storms, sweeter than blossoms and tender fruits, nobler than lords, truer than parents, more loving than lovers. His feet tread the lowest places of the earth; but his head is above all glory, and everywhere he is supreme.

  

  Henry Ward Beecher
  • World
  • God
  • Natural

• I do get a bit of a sense, just from e-mails some people send me, just a little sense of how people in different countries seem to respond differently to certain lines in a song.

  

  Gotye
  • People
  • Different
  • Song

• For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Funny
  • Comedy
  • Listening