Jim Gaffigan Quotes
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
Quotes to Explore
-
With the changing economy, no one has lifetime employment. But community colleges provide lifetime employability.
-
If you want to put golf back on the front pages again, and you don't have a Bobby Jones or a Francis Ouimet handy, here's what you do: You send an aging Jack Nicklaus out in the last round of the Masters and let him kill more foreigners than a general named Eisenhower.
-
I'm not going to just say nice things about everybody unless I mean it.
-
I think everyone in the heptathlon is improving together, so it is a very hard event to compete in.
-
I never try to follow a trend or fashion.
-
Look at Jessica Simpson. She's famous for being dumb. I guess it started with Marylyn Monroe, and she actually wasn't that dumb, but that's how she was perceived - and that's what got popular.
-
If you are talking about terrorism, you need to sit down and understand what is making these people put dynamite around their waists and blow themselves up.
-
I can't read novels while I'm writing a novel, because somebody's voice creeps in.
-
When men are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.
-
If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
-
Normally I don't watch myself, because I'm not very objective.
-
I feel some need to represent where I'm from. But ultimately, I think my only real responsibility is to - as much as possible - interrogate my own truths. This is to say not merely writing what I think is true, but using the writing to turn that alleged truth over and over, to stress-test it, in the aim of producing something readable.
-
A bicycle has transformed my experience of London.
-
I was only 23 and just out of college when I filmed 'Casualty' and so nervous, but it was brilliant fun. I was really lucky, and it really helped my career.
-
The actors in 'Eight Men Out' really know how to play, and the background athletes are all professionals.
-
When it was over my daughter said, 'Oh, I felt so sorry for him - he didn't want to hurt you, he liked you.' That was Victoria. When you visualize him up there on top of the Empire State Building, you do feel sorry for him.
-
People aren't autonomous creatures. They're under a lot of pressure themselves.
-
I have a whole area in my closet for displaying shoes. They are in rows. But nobody comes in my closet, so they are only on display for me. It's pretty spectacular.
-
Ebola is a humiliating disease that strips you of your dignity. You are removed from family and put into isolation where you cannot even see the faces of those caring for you due to the protective suits - you can only see their eyes.
-
I've always played comedy. My background is musical comedy theatre, and that's really where my training is.
-
For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow.
-
The older you get the more realistic it is that you're significant other is your significant other. I mean, you'll always have your girlfriends or your guy friends, but the person you're married to is usually your No. 1.
-
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
