Jim Gaffigan Quotes

For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.

Jim Gaffigan

• Funny
• Comedy
• Listening
• Audience
• Humor

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Quotes to Explore

• With the changing economy, no one has lifetime employment. But community colleges provide lifetime employability.

  

  Barack Obama
  • Community
  • Changing

• If you want to put golf back on the front pages again, and you don't have a Bobby Jones or a Francis Ouimet handy, here's what you do: You send an aging Jack Nicklaus out in the last round of the Masters and let him kill more foreigners than a general named Eisenhower.

  

  Dan Jenkins
  • Want
  • Golf
  • Aging

• I think everyone in the heptathlon is improving together, so it is a very hard event to compete in.

  

  Katarina Johnson-Thompson
  • Together
  • Think
  • Everyone

• I never try to follow a trend or fashion.

  

  Victoria Beckham Spice Girls
  • Fashion
  • Never
  • Try

• Look at Jessica Simpson. She's famous for being dumb. I guess it started with Marylyn Monroe, and she actually wasn't that dumb, but that's how she was perceived - and that's what got popular.

  

  Danica McKellar
  • She
  • Famous
  • Popular

• If you are talking about terrorism, you need to sit down and understand what is making these people put dynamite around their waists and blow themselves up.

  

  Lakhdar Brahimi
  • People
  • Up
  • Down

• I can't read novels while I'm writing a novel, because somebody's voice creeps in.

  

  T. C. Boyle
  • Writing
  • Voice
  • Because

• When men are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.

  

  Randy Pausch
  • Men
  • Attention
  • Simple

• If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

  

  Oscar Wilde
  • Life
  • Long
  • Wait

• I feel some need to represent where I'm from. But ultimately, I think my only real responsibility is to - as much as possible - interrogate my own truths. This is to say not merely writing what I think is true, but using the writing to turn that alleged truth over and over, to stress-test it, in the aim of producing something readable.

  

  Ta-Nehisi Coates
  • Writing
  • Real
  • Truth

• A bicycle has transformed my experience of London.

  

  Iain Glen
  • Experience
  • London
  • Bicycle

• I was only 23 and just out of college when I filmed 'Casualty' and so nervous, but it was brilliant fun. I was really lucky, and it really helped my career.

  

  Laura Donnelly
  • Fun
  • Career
  • College

• The actors in 'Eight Men Out' really know how to play, and the background athletes are all professionals.

  

  D. B. Sweeney
  • Men
  • Know
  • Play

• When it was over my daughter said, 'Oh, I felt so sorry for him - he didn't want to hurt you, he liked you.' That was Victoria. When you visualize him up there on top of the Empire State Building, you do feel sorry for him.

  

  Fay Wray
  • Up
  • Hurt
  • Daughter

• People aren't autonomous creatures. They're under a lot of pressure themselves.

  

  Larry Wilmore
  • People
  • Pressure
  • Autonomous

• I have a whole area in my closet for displaying shoes. They are in rows. But nobody comes in my closet, so they are only on display for me. It's pretty spectacular.

  

  Laura Marano
  • Pretty
  • Me
  • Nobody

• I say 'no' to nothing, 'yes' to moderation. That's how I approach everything. No matter if it's candy or foie gras. When you have the real deal, you're satisfied with that one bite. I say go full throttle and call it a day.

  

  Carla Hall
  • Real
  • You
  • Day

• I didn't get anything published until I was thirty-three, and yet I'd written five novels and six or seven plays. The plays, I should point out, were dreadful.

  

  Edmund White
  • Point
  • Novels
  • Seven

• Robert M. Morgenthau, the Manhattan district attorney, has seen a few financial schemes in his time. As the lead local prosecutor in the world's financial capital, he has battled frauds like the Bank of Credit and Commerce International, which stole billions of dollars from investors worldwide.

  

  Alex Berenson
  • Time
  • World
  • Financial

• It's funny because I was looking back on my Instagram,, and I saw that I had a bunch of feminist posts but that was all before 'Handmaid's Tale.'

  

  O. T. Fagbenle
  • Funny
  • Feminist

• Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I have to write everything down.

  

  Cate Blanchett
  • Write
  • Old-fashioned

• I love to write. I used to be a math teacher. And I like the idea that other people could write about the same subjects, but no one would write it just the way I do. It's very individual: a child could write the same story as somebody else, but it wouldn't come out the same.

  

  David A. Adler
  • People
  • Teacher
  • Math

• For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Funny
  • Comedy
  • Listening