Jim Gaffigan Quotes

For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.

Jim Gaffigan

• Funny
• Comedy
• Listening
• Audience
• Humor

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Quotes to Explore

• With the changing economy, no one has lifetime employment. But community colleges provide lifetime employability.

  

  Barack Obama
  • Community
  • Changing

• If you want to put golf back on the front pages again, and you don't have a Bobby Jones or a Francis Ouimet handy, here's what you do: You send an aging Jack Nicklaus out in the last round of the Masters and let him kill more foreigners than a general named Eisenhower.

  

  Dan Jenkins
  • Want
  • Golf
  • Aging

• I'm not going to just say nice things about everybody unless I mean it.

  

  F. Murray Abraham
  • Nice
  • Mean
  • Going

• I think everyone in the heptathlon is improving together, so it is a very hard event to compete in.

  

  Katarina Johnson-Thompson
  • Together
  • Think
  • Everyone

• I never try to follow a trend or fashion.

  

  Victoria Beckham Spice Girls
  • Fashion
  • Never
  • Try

• Look at Jessica Simpson. She's famous for being dumb. I guess it started with Marylyn Monroe, and she actually wasn't that dumb, but that's how she was perceived - and that's what got popular.

  

  Danica McKellar
  • She
  • Famous
  • Popular

• If you are talking about terrorism, you need to sit down and understand what is making these people put dynamite around their waists and blow themselves up.

  

  Lakhdar Brahimi
  • People
  • Up
  • Down

• I can't read novels while I'm writing a novel, because somebody's voice creeps in.

  

  T. C. Boyle
  • Writing
  • Voice
  • Because

• When men are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.

  

  Randy Pausch
  • Men
  • Attention
  • Simple

• If I bring up political power, personal power, it sounds like they're my terms, and they're not.

  

  Barbara Kruger
  • Up
  • Power
  • Political

• If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

  

  Oscar Wilde
  • Life
  • Long
  • Wait

• Normally I don't watch myself, because I'm not very objective.

  

  Nancy McKeon
  • Myself
  • Watch
  • Objective

• I feel some need to represent where I'm from. But ultimately, I think my only real responsibility is to - as much as possible - interrogate my own truths. This is to say not merely writing what I think is true, but using the writing to turn that alleged truth over and over, to stress-test it, in the aim of producing something readable.

  

  Ta-Nehisi Coates
  • Writing
  • Real
  • Truth

• A bicycle has transformed my experience of London.

  

  Iain Glen
  • Experience
  • London
  • Bicycle

• I was only 23 and just out of college when I filmed 'Casualty' and so nervous, but it was brilliant fun. I was really lucky, and it really helped my career.

  

  Laura Donnelly
  • Fun
  • Career
  • College

• The actors in 'Eight Men Out' really know how to play, and the background athletes are all professionals.

  

  D. B. Sweeney
  • Men
  • Know
  • Play

• When it was over my daughter said, 'Oh, I felt so sorry for him - he didn't want to hurt you, he liked you.' That was Victoria. When you visualize him up there on top of the Empire State Building, you do feel sorry for him.

  

  Fay Wray
  • Up
  • Hurt
  • Daughter

• People aren't autonomous creatures. They're under a lot of pressure themselves.

  

  Larry Wilmore
  • People
  • Pressure
  • Autonomous

• I have been given the authority over you, and I am not the best of you. If I do well, help me; and if I do wrong, set me right. Sincere regard for truth.

  

  Abu Bakr
  • Truth
  • Right
  • Wrong

• The least responsive audience I can ever remember playing to.

  

  Trent Reznor Nine Inch Nails
  • Remember
  • Audience
  • Responsive

• Lack of originality, everywhere, all over the world, from time immemorial, has always been considered the foremost quality and the recommendation of the active, efficient and practical man...

  

  Fyodor Dostoevsky
  • Time
  • World
  • Quality

• Real Learning comes from failures and mistakes...rarely from success.

  

  Ziad K. Abdelnour
  • Learning
  • Mistakes
  • Failures

• I was a ravenous child. I'm a ravenous adult. I love to eat.

  

  Nadia Giosia
  • Love
  • Child
  • Eat

• For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Funny
  • Comedy
  • Listening