Jim Gaffigan Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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But in the long run we're not going to be able to keep out of state trash away from Pennsylvania.
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I doubt if you can have a truly wild party without liquor.
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My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.
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Leaders know the importance of having someone in their lives who will unfailingly and fearlessly tell them the truth.
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Whereas, generally speaking, zinc reacts suitably only with the first members of the alkyl iodides, with magnesium it is possible to use bromides, iodides, and in many cases, chlorides.
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When you are not missing something, longing for something, you don't really think about it that much. It's like that girlfriend you don't want to have anymore. You don't think about her anymore. Or ex-husband. You just don't.
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Stand by your man. Give him two arms to cling to and something warm to come to.
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If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.
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I lost 80 percent of my wealth and then gave away over half of the rest. So I'm a man of modest means now. But if you budget carefully and watch your expenditures, you can get by on a couple billion dollars.
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The average full-time working male works more than a full-time working female.
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At the end of the day, I am not my dad and have my own journey to make.
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Kids are naturally gifted at art from a very young age. The problem is when they get older and become self-conscious. The process should always be fun, though.
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If God came down here with the box that had the reason for living in it, I'd like to find just 2 words: The Music. That would be neat.
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You shouldn't be ashamed of your pain. You have the right to have your pain treated.
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As long as I have a heartbeat, I'm fine. So I just do what I love, and I do it the best that I can. And if it all goes away, I'll just start over.
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The beautiful thing about hip-hop is it's like an audio collage. You can take any form of music and do it in a hip-hop way and it'll be a hip-hop song. That's the only music you can do that with.
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If I go out in the open ocean environment, virtually anywhere in the world, and I drag a net from 3,000 feet to the surface, most of the animals - in fact, in many places, 80 to 90 percent of the animals that I bring up in that net - make light. This makes for some pretty spectacular light shows.
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I think there needs to be a way to allow people to become educated if they've paid taxes, they've been here a long time. And I think, actually, we need to think about young people are not making the decision on whether to come here.
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In this life, we have to make many choices. Some are very important choices. Some are not. Many of our choices are between good and evil. The choices we make, however, determine to a large extent our happiness or our unhappiness, because we have to live with the consequences of our choices.
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I was a political science major in college and dreamed of being a diplomat.
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I basically applied to law school as a way of telling my parents that I wasn't going to medical school.
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The most important part of us is the part that no one ever sees.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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My comedy is romanticized laziness.
