Jim Gaffigan Quotes

My comedy is romanticized laziness.

Jim Gaffigan

• Comedy
• Laziness

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Quotes to Explore

• But in the long run we're not going to be able to keep out of state trash away from Pennsylvania.

  

  Ed Rendell
  • Long
  • Run
  • Trash

• I doubt if you can have a truly wild party without liquor.

  

  Carl Sandburg
  • Party
  • Doubt
  • New Years

• My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

  

  Garry Shandling
  • Friends
  • Know
  • Me

• Leaders know the importance of having someone in their lives who will unfailingly and fearlessly tell them the truth.

  

  Warren Bennis
  • Truth
  • Know
  • Someone

• Whereas, generally speaking, zinc reacts suitably only with the first members of the alkyl iodides, with magnesium it is possible to use bromides, iodides, and in many cases, chlorides.

  

  Victor Grignard
  • First
  • Possible
  • Speaking

• When you are not missing something, longing for something, you don't really think about it that much. It's like that girlfriend you don't want to have anymore. You don't think about her anymore. Or ex-husband. You just don't.

  

  Danica Patrick
  • Think
  • Want
  • Husband

• Stand by your man. Give him two arms to cling to and something warm to come to.

  

  Tammy Wynette
  • Man
  • For Her
  • Give

• If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.

  

  Ted Turner
  • Perfect
  • Humility
  • Only

• I lost 80 percent of my wealth and then gave away over half of the rest. So I'm a man of modest means now. But if you budget carefully and watch your expenditures, you can get by on a couple billion dollars.

  

  Ted Turner
  • Man
  • Lost
  • Rest

• The average full-time working male works more than a full-time working female.

  

  Warren Farrell
  • Time
  • Working
  • More

• At the end of the day, I am not my dad and have my own journey to make.

  

  Ram Charan
  • Dad
  • Day
  • Journey

• Kids are naturally gifted at art from a very young age. The problem is when they get older and become self-conscious. The process should always be fun, though.

  

  Damien Hirst
  • Art
  • Kids
  • Fun

• If God came down here with the box that had the reason for living in it, I'd like to find just 2 words: The Music. That would be neat.

  

  Garth Brooks
  • Music
  • God
  • Words

• You shouldn't be ashamed of your pain. You have the right to have your pain treated.

  

  Naomi Judd
  • You
  • Pain
  • Right

• As long as I have a heartbeat, I'm fine. So I just do what I love, and I do it the best that I can. And if it all goes away, I'll just start over.

  

  Pardis Sabeti
  • Long
  • Love
  • Best

• The beautiful thing about hip-hop is it's like an audio collage. You can take any form of music and do it in a hip-hop way and it'll be a hip-hop song. That's the only music you can do that with.

  

  Talib Kweli Black Star
  • Music
  • Beautiful
  • Song

• If I go out in the open ocean environment, virtually anywhere in the world, and I drag a net from 3,000 feet to the surface, most of the animals - in fact, in many places, 80 to 90 percent of the animals that I bring up in that net - make light. This makes for some pretty spectacular light shows.

  

  Edith Widder
  • Up
  • World
  • Pretty

• I think there needs to be a way to allow people to become educated if they've paid taxes, they've been here a long time. And I think, actually, we need to think about young people are not making the decision on whether to come here.

  

  Zoe Lofgren
  • People
  • Time
  • Long

• I was brought up as an only child, and we were very close. But when I was 14, we got evicted. We came home to a padlock, and I looked up at my mom and she was crying, and there was nothing to do.

  

  Dwayne Johnson
  • Up
  • Home
  • She

• When I started out in the late '80s, my act was pretty terrible, and for years, I kind of toiled in obscurity. I don't believe in a hierarchy in comedy; I feel that a person deserves respect the first time they get onstage, and after that, they just have to be funny and get more consistent.

  

  Andy Kindler
  • Time
  • Believe
  • Pretty

• You cannot study other planets without referring to Earth and without applying the techniques and the insights of Earth science. And you cannot really do a good job understanding the Earth without the insights from planetary exploration.

  

  David Grinspoon
  • Good
  • Job
  • Science

• People hate to and will not read instructions.

  

  Nolan Bushnell
  • People
  • Hate
  • Instruction

• My dream appliance circa 2050 has one big dial on it, and when I twist it to the right, my IQ goes up to 450.

  

  Bruce Sterling
  • Dream
  • Technology
  • Bigs

• My comedy is romanticized laziness.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Comedy
  • Laziness