Larry David Quotes
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The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.
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Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.
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I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.
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In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.
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Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.
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I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'
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I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.
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I have no secrets.
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I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
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Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.
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I can't stand reading anything that I've said.
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Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over.
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There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.
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Whenever something good happens to me, it's usually followed by something terrible.
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Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.
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I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.
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Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.
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Golf and dating don't mix.
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I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.
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I think Michael Moore is a hero.
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I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.
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Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself.
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All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.
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When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless.